Chipped Polish & Wornout Jeans

I always think of the Yes, Virginia Editorial when people make a huge deal about how Santa isn't real. While you may not believe that he is a real person, the idea of Santa Claus is something that should be cherished, especially for kids. I mean Santa Claus is not about the gifts and cookies and milk and fat men in red suits. It's about love and faith and hope and generosity. I think that if you obsess over whether there really is a fat man in a red suit who comes down chimneys and eats milk and cookies and has flying reindeer, you are sort of missing the point. It is Christmas Eve I would like to share something with my readers that chokes me up every year. So here is the Yes, Virginia Editorial:

"DEAR EDITOR: I am 8 years old.
"Some of my little friends say there is no Santa Claus.
"Papa says, 'If you see it in THE SUN it's so.'
"Please tell me the truth; is there a Santa Claus?

"VIRGINIA O'HANLON.
"115 WEST NINETY-FIFTH STREET."

VIRGINIA, your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. They do not believe except [what] they see. They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by their little minds. All minds, Virginia, whether they be men's or children's, are little. In this great universe of ours man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect, as compared with the boundless world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge.

Yes, VIRGINIA, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Santa Claus. It would be as dreary as if there were no VIRGINIAS. There would be no childlike faith then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The eternal light with which childhood fills the world would be extinguished.

Not believe in Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in fairies! You might get your papa to hire men to watch in all the chimneys on Christmas Eve to catch Santa Claus, but even if they did not see Santa Claus coming down, what would that prove? Nobody sees Santa Claus, but that is no sign that there is no Santa Claus. The most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can see. Did you ever see fairies dancing on the lawn? Of course not, but that's no proof that they are not there. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world.

You may tear apart the baby's rattle and see what makes the noise inside, but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest man, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever lived, could tear apart. Only faith, fancy, poetry, love, romance, can push aside that curtain and view and picture the supernal beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah, VIRGINIA, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding.

No Santa Claus! Thank God! he lives, and he lives forever. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay, ten times ten thousand years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood.

So today the Jake and Nic Show went sort of dramatic today, and it was not fun. It's a funny thing, distance, sometimes it makes things easier and sometimes it makes things harder. Sometimes it makes you reluctant to talk about things because you don't want to spend what little time you have to talk or be together discussing unpleasant truths. Well, when that happens it all spills over into one big pile of "things we should've talked about ages ago but now we really have to talk about them". Then conversation is a long and unpleasant one that may or may not involve tears. I do not enjoy those kinds of things, but I'm sure no one does. It has been a rough day because of this. It's all fun and games until something goes awry.

Misunderstandings are the bane of my existence. Well, probably most people's existence, but at the moment I am talking about my own. Jacob somehow got the wrong impression about a lot of things, probably because Yours Truly is a mess and has difficulties. For one, he thought I wanted nothing to do with his family, but really I just haven't had much of a chance to be around them. Living in L-ville and having such a hectic and busy life, there have been very few opportunities for me to do things like that. I've promised to try to make things better because I love him and want to be a part of his life and his family is so very important to him. I curse my baggage, and I have some very unpleasant baggage for causing some of these issues to even arise. Some things stem from way back when we first started dating over a year ago, things I thought we were passed but apparently we weren't. But we are working on them now, and a lot of it is going to be me trying to shuffle and juggle to do it. I won't go into anymore detail about that part of the conversation because really, it's not something we need the world to know. I love him, and we have to get through this. I always dread moments like these, even though I know that they are normal really. No couple can be completely in-sync all the time, and every relationship will have rough moments along the way. The strength of your relationship is tested by these moments, and the real strength is being able to get through them. I guess it happened to us because we fell out of rhythm, and we didn't talk enough. I think maybe we have learned our lesson.

I think some people are meant to always fight for what they want, and I think that I'm one of those people. I foolishly thought that if we wanted it badly enough, if we fought hard enough, that we could have what we want without waiting so long. I foolishly hoped that it was our turn, that for once I wouldn't have to fight and we wouldn't have to struggle. I got my hopes up and then watched them crash; it seems to be a trend with me to be honest. The problem is that Jake and I met, and then our relationship sort of rocketed all the way to a brick wall. Neither of us expected it to happen, least of all me. I really just couldn't see that far forward. And part of it was that I like where we were going. We've been together a little over a year, and we are completely head over heels, and we've sort of reached this point where the next logical step, the one we really want to take, is to get hitched. But that can't happen right away or even in the next year by his calculations because things are just not in place yet. I had hoped that with a little planning, a lot of prayer, and some serious forethought and work we could manage to do what we want without having to wait the five years it will take to finish law school and pass the Bar. It sounds crazy that just because we are, or will be, both in law school, which only takes three years, that we will have to wait so long, but thats the logistics of it. I've done the math, looked at the options, and figure it out. Maybe its the crazy female in me, but I just hate the idea of a wait so long for something we want so much.

Maybe I'm not being entirely rational, even if I thought I was, but I've learned the hard way the over-thinking things just leads to more trouble. I guess that I was slightly blinded by the fact that I have finally found "the one" and I really love him. While I can barely think about such a long wait, I'm not giving up on us. In fact if anything I am more determined than ever to marry this man. I love him with all my heart, you see. I found something I thought I would never find again and I'm not about to let that go. Life rarely gives you second chances, and I'm not going to lose out this time. I love this man, despite all the problems we face. I'm determined.

It is cold, wet, and in general unpleasant outside. I had to make a run to the store earlier and then take out the trash, but I am not going back out in that mess again unless I absolutely have to do it. Instead I will spend the day relaxing on the couch, studying for Contracts, and marking my statutory supplement for the exam. The weather is supposed to be the same tomorrow, so I will definitely be spending it indoors. I wish I had more to blog about, but as it stands there is just nothing happening other than a lot of studying, peppered with some panicking, and the occassional moment of relaxation.  Let's face it, law school has made my life dull. Mostly I'm just trying to stay motivated to finish up my studies so that I can relax for a few weeks. It's not easy to get motivated lately; I'm just tired (ok, more like exhausted). At the moment I keep staring at my copy of The Lost Symbol and supressing the urge to curl up on the couch under a blanket and read it instead of  doing what needs to be done. Right now, I guess I will just leave you with this quick update and get back to work.

So I meant to make a post on Thanskgiving about all that I am thankful for, but I had a very busy Thanksgiving weekend and couldn't find anytime. I had to use at least some of the time to study for finals, since yesterday was the first of four finals for me. I also travel, sort of, on Thanksgiving. We had dinner at Nanny's and then supper in Kentucky at my Grandmother's. At Nanny's we got on the subject of pies, no surprise, and how apparently I'm the only one who can make my Grandmama's Pecan Pie and my Nanny's No Fail Chocolate Pie. I am now on orders to learn to make my own pie crusts, and Grandmama would like me to come to her house to learn. At Grandmother's, my aunt Lynnisse and uncle Steve were doing wiring for my Grandmother, and my cousin Ben and his wife brought Kale and Bryce, their two children. It was loud and crazy, but that's pretty typical. The next day, Daddy (What, I'm Southern, I call my father Daddy) went with Grandmother to get the Christmas trees; it's sort of tradition. Well they took forever, and Mama, J.C., and I waited at the house. Some four almost five hours later Daddy calls and says that we need to come outside. Turns out that they had gone to the shelter where he'd been looking at a rescue rottie online, and he surprised me by bringing us Bear. He is a 14 month old rottie with papers and everything. I will snag pictures when he has put some weight on because he is seriously underfed. His former owner could no longer feed him and had to given him up, and at the shelter Bear let his kennel mate eat most of the food. He's a big baby, but he's sweet.

So what am I thankful for? I'll make it short because it's so late. I'm thankful for a lot of things. I'm thankful for the fact that I am able to live in a country where I can go to law school; I'm thankful that I have the opportunity to pursue my career choice. I'm thankful for the support of all my mentors who have guided me and given me such great advice. I'm thankful for my family, who love and support me. For Mama who will listen and give me advice. For Daddy who may pick on me but always comes through when I need him. For my little brother who may get on my nerves but is also sometimes cool. I'm thankful for Jacob, who loves me and supports me and puts up with me, even though I'm a mess, I have random meltdowns, and can be a real handful a lot of the time. I'm thankful that we have each other.

I also made some new earrings for my shop. So now the plug.

I wasn't going to blog about this, but some of it might be interesting. Last weekend I was Judge Bulldog, instead of Captain Bulldog, for the first time. I was a mock trial captain last year, and it was my fourth and final year as a participant. This year I was invited back to judge the Midsouth Mock Trial Invitational. I plan to do this every year so long as I can and I am invited. I really enjoyed getting to see it all from another perspective, and it was pretty awesome to be able to sit and talk to coaches, judges, attorneys, and other former mockers. I also enjoyed getting to see the mockers who are still participating; being in KY while they are in Boro and only having a quick conversation on Facebook is not the same as getting to talk and hang out.

It was strange waiting for the rounds to let out, being out of a suit on a tournament weekend, and watching the teams trickle out. Sitting on the bench instead of at counsel table was a totally new perspective. I judged three rounds and presided once. Judges meetings last forever for a reason, and now I know why we used to spend all that time in the room waiting for the judges to arrive. Arriving in the round was strange, since everyone stood up for us instead of the other way around. And scoring was not easy. I'm very picky and harsh, so scoring was a challenge for me. I didn't want to be "that judge"; you know, the one everyone hates. I did give a couple of low scores though, cause I just had to do it. If they weren't good, they just weren't good. I saw some interesting things, and I almost wish I had taken pictures. I saw a witness with what I would like to call super high "hooker shoes". I kid you not, these were at least 7 inches tall stilettos with platforms. She was supposed to be an actress. It wasn't appropriate for court. I also saw two individuals, who I thought might be coaches. One of them was wearing the strangest outfit I had seem in ages. When I had seen her before, I thought that she might be playing a crazy witness, but then she appeared in the judges meeting. She was not a young woman and yet she was wearing this ridiculous black essemble complete with dress that was way too short, shimmering sleeves, and fantastic knee high boots with buckles and straps.  When in Midlands.... The land of mock trial is always a trip.

After the tournament Dr. Vile and his wife hosted the annual gathering, and it was awesome. I got to see my old captain and my newbies from last year. It made me feel so old to see my newbies as captains and even the President of the organization. We swapped stories of the old days, talked about some of the crazy things we used to do in rounds, the way we used to fix mistakes. I met some of the newbies from this year, and there are some good ones. Of course, Jacob and I didn't do much more than hang out between rounds and at Dr. Vile's, and we snagged some breakfast on the run the morning of the second day. We are going to have to make up for that. We had planned to go to the movies or bowling or something after Dr. Vile's but that didn't pan out, at all.

That was weekend adventure on the other side.

It's raining and cold and just plain unpleasant outside. By raining I mean it is absolutely pouring outside. It is not a good thing when I have to walk from the parking lot to the law school tomorrow. I am on the couch in my apartment, with SVU on television, my laptop in my lap, a glass of sweet tea, and my textbooks. I'm looking pretty rough in my hoodie and yoga pants with my hair pulled back and my glasses. But that's ok because Nic is comfortable while she works. With approximately two weeks left before finals I am now working to finish up my outlines. I will spend my Thanksgiving break studying and eating with my family. After December 10th I will be done with classes for the semester, and I will probably spend my winter break in the Boro since it's not really a long break. Hopefully there will be time to go to Ice and the movies and stuff with Jake like we did last year. I've also promised to try to make it to church with him when I can. I'm definitely looking forward to the break from the exhaustion that is law school. Don't get me wrong, I love law school, but it is tiring. Between outlining and reading in preparation for classes, it's sometimes hard for me to get a moment to just rest, especially when I need it most. I wasn't kidding when I talked about scraping bottom on my energy stores while working on the memo. The coming weeks of winter break are going to be a welcome relief.

The blog has been lacking in real content because nothing has been happening in my world that is really worth blogging about. That is the price of being a full time student, living far away from everyone, and having no time to do much. The most excitement I've had recently has been a quick breakfast with Jacob and the mock trial tournament I judged last weekend. Don't get me wrong, breakfast dates with the love of my life are great, and we are planning to have more of them. And I really love mock trial and judging was fun, so was seeing all my friends in the Boro, including my old captain. There are pictures but I look all gross and so I will not be stealing them from Rachel. I think that the next post may be a post about what its like to judge mock trial instead of participating.

I am scraping the bottom of my energy reserves at the moment, which is probably why I am wearing a hoodie that is three times or more too big and my hair is all curly and held back in a jaw clip and I barely have enough make up on to cover up my face. Needless to say, I'm tired, and the reason for my drained body is the same as the reason there hasn't been a post since Tuesday. That gorram memo. I finished all 3000 words of it, finally, this morning at about 10 AM or so. I have been dragging about for the last week, struggling to keep caught up and finish the memo, and having a minor panic attack due to the fact that I have to send my laptop, the nice new one I bought in September, out for repairs because according to the tech folks, it's having a hardware issue that must be repaired by the HP people. Too bad for Nic there are no HP Authorized Service Providers anywhere near her; so it has to be shipped to HP for a repair that could take two weeks to get it back instead of going into a repair place and having it repaired in a day or two. This is not a good time to be having technology issues. I take finals is three weeks, counting this one, and I plan to take them on my laptop because I type faster than I can write and it's hard for me to write for long periods of time because my right wrist is so messed up. I woke up this morning to find my living room filled with case law. I'm not kidding, there are stapled copies of the various cases I was writing my memo with, which is the signal that the apartment must be cleaned before I leave for the weekend. I don't have enough energy today to post a decent entry, so I promise that tomorrow I will write again.

Good news: Today's weather was actually nice enough that since I don't have class until 2:25PM and only have one textbook (Contracts) to carry along with my bag and purse I could walk to the law school. I love being able to walk to class.

It's the first week of November, the weather here in the North is still refusing to pick a temperature, and my life is filled to the brim with things to keep me busy. I've got the Open Memo (foul creature that it is) due next Monday, which means that I have to show up early enough to turn the thing in even though my first class of the day will not be until one in the afternoon. I guess I will spend that morning in the library working on the outlines for Torts and CivPro (Also known as the land of Mordor) since those are my classes for the day. Both outlines are in bad need of an update. Speaking of outlines, I need to have all my outlines updated before next weekend, especially since I'm going to be in the Boro to judge mock trial rounds for the MTSU tournament. Nerdy though it is, I'm excited about that. Finals are in about four weeks, and it scares the crap out of me. Law School finals are not like undergrad finals. Undergrad finals are just the last chunk of your grade when you are a college student. Law School finals are your only grades when you are a law student. So I want my outlines updated and ready for typing ASAP, especially that CivPro outline. CivPro is really the only class I am having trouble in, and I can't stand it. I get so frustrated because I can go into the classroom, having read all the material and think I have an understanding of what I should know, but then the professor speaks and I am lost. I am actually terrified of that exam. Torts, I understand; Property, I get the basics and will just have to review the different rules thoroughly. Contracts, I'm not having much difficulty in despite the strange way the class tends to go.

I think I need to come up with some better responses to the question "So how is law school?" Seriously, mostly what I say is that it’s different; it keeps me busy, and it’s interesting, all of which are fairly lame answers to the question really. I love law school minus CivPro and BLS, and I love that I am learning a lot. I wish I could share some of the hilarious jokes that crop up, but they are just not as funny to people who aren't in law school or aren't going to be in law school soon. I laugh when someone says “Torts makes me want to commit assault and battery" But I'm sure people outside here will just look at me funny when I say it. Law school does make you see the world differently. Daddy (I'm Southern, so yes, I call my father Daddy) was talking about a friend he knew who was considering a law suit. After hearing the facts I spouted off promissory estoppel and why it fit. It's good that I know that, since it's important for the final, but it's strange that I can do that now. I see the legal issues in all sorts of things. I do, however, wish that people wouldn't say I'm in graduate school. Law School is not Grad School; Grad School is for wimps.

I need a new camera. (Whoa, random subject change) I've had my current one for several years, and it has been a good one. But it is beginning to show it's age and the wear and tear of thousands of pictures is starting to get to it I think. My little Samsung has seen better days, though it did serve well all summer what with the 60+ pictures I took at the zoo. It's scratched from all the times little cousins have excitedly tapped it's screen when shown pictures of themselves; it's scuffed up from all the different places it's been scooted, stashed, tucked away, and hidden. The pictures are not as clear and pretty sometimes, which saddens me, and it is often a little weak. It's gotten harder on batteries lately, and so I have to turn it off and charge them more often. I tried to take pictures of my earrings to put in the shop, and very few of them turned out well, which was a disappointment. I wound up having to let Nanny take pictures with her camera. I think that if I don't get one as a gift before then, I will save up my jewelry money and buy myself a new one. For now I will just make do, since I want to take pictures at the tournament next weekend.

Thinking of jewelry, I made five new designs for earrings last weekend; I was really happy with three of them in particular. I left them with Mama to take to work to sell, and I forgot to take pictures of them for the shop. I'm slightly disappointed because they were really awesome designs, and I wanted to see if they would sell better online than what I have now. I guess I will just have to make a few more and photograph them if Mama sells the ones she has before I get home next weekend. I've got some great ideas for necklace/earring sets that I want to try, and I've found tons of new beads for jewelry. But first I need to sell most if not all of the pieces I've made so far. I'm thinking my sales will increase when it gets closer to Christmas. (Fingers are crossed)

In August of 2008, I was dating the ex and playing havok in an unhealthy way trying to manage a relationship that was spiraling southward. It was not an easy month, and it didn't help that it was the first month of my last year in undergrad. I was working my way to becoming a college graduate and the nerves got to me. So did the prospect of law school applications. It was that same month that Jake walked into my life. Oddly enough, he was in all my classes that semester except my English ones. He was even in mock trial, which is my domain and always will be. We talked, a lot, and despite the fact that I am usually less than approachable and friendly when it comes to new people, we became really good friends. We had a lot in common, and not just our accents. Sure enough, Jacob became one of my closer friends, and I discovered that it was a lot easier than I thought it would be to talk to him. What I didn't discover was that he wanted to be more than friends.

In September of 2008, the week after I turned 21 to be exact, I was betrayed. The ex had cheated, or maybe he'd just not gotten around to telling me that our three year relationship that was supposed to eventually become a marraige was actually over. Either way, Nic was single, but she was not really available. I did a lot of crying, and I did a lot of asking God for help, and I did a lot of hating the male species. I was sullen and unpleasant. People noticed that I wasn't exactly myself, but I clung to my misery and pretty much wallowed. It was not an attractive period for me. Jacob was there for me, and he listened as I held out hope for something to change and whined and dragged him along as I walked down memory lane. Knowing now that he wanted more than friendship, Jake's listening to me and being there for me is almost noble. I know that it could not be easy to listen to someone you want to date go on and on about the guy that broke her heart.

In October of 2008 Nic got her groove back. I have always been a flirt, and the unpleasantness had sort of diminished that in me. But then I somehow managed to revive, and I also became less dense. Perhaps it was that brick wall I started building around my broken heart, but it took me until October to pick up on the fact Jacob liked me. I flirted, mainly because it's what I do, and I started to think that maybe, as crazy as it seemed at the time, I was developing an attraction to him.  It took until close to the end of the month for him to ask me out. But he did, and I said yes, despite me reservations. We started simple, just dinner, and it was fun. We talked a lot, and we still do. Thus began Jake and Nic, and it has been a fun adventure that kept going.

By May of 2009 we'd been on too many dates to count, and we'd become closer than I thought I'd get to anyone again. I started to wonder if there could be more to my feelings than the whole "I find this guy attractive and spending time with him is nice..." And guess what! There was. I was falling for him, even though I was digging in my heels and resisting because I am damaged goods. Turns out though, Jacob is pretty awesome with the super glue/glue gun/duct tape(because if you can't fix it with duct tape or a bandaid, well then you should probably just give up), and he managed to repair my broken shattered heart. And as I was getting ready to head into the house after the mock trial awards banquet, he said those three little words. "I love you", and I found out that I could say them too and mean them with all my heart. Apparently, its now noticeable that we are in love, which is cool, and Jake and I are planning our future.

That brings us to today, October 29, 2009. It's been a year, and it's been a great one. Here's looking forward to many more years of love and happiness and craziness in this adventure we call life.

So yesterday, right as Civil Procedure (also known as the devil's playground) was about to start, I get a text from Jake; we'd been talking through lunch, but normally the texts stop for a little while after that. The timing, however, does not matter. This is how the conversation went:

J: I know you aren't crazy about memphis sweetheart but I think we need to look into it. (bolding by me)
N: Why?
J: Are you still wantin to do child advocacy?
N: It's on the list
J: They've got a big program apparently in child and family law. And they offer a joint j.d./m.a. in political science.

 ----Some time later----

N: Do you you seriously think we should consider memphis as an option.
J: I think we have to. (Bolding by me)

So I have always had a penchant for making stuff; I mean I've always been into making my own jewelry, costumes, food, and any number of things. I try not to spend a lot on things I really don't need like new books (though being a bibliophile makes almost a need), new music to put on my iPod, games for my DS (don't judge me, I like to play the ones that are a mental challenge), and other fun things that distract me from the reality that is law school. I decided a few weeks ago that I wanted to have some extra money because, after all, I want things and need money to get them. There are also other plans that I would like to save money for, but I won't get into them at this point. So I went to Michael's  in the Boro (a place that never ceases to rob me of my money every time I go in there) and bought beads and findings and pretty silver chain; those were added to my incredibly girly little jewelry making kit, which has wire cutters, round nose pliers for loops, and needle nose pliers for bending things. Then I went home, to the house belonging to the 'rents, and made some pretty earrings. Those are now on my etsy site (link to follow at the end of the post). I also gave like six pairs of earrings to my Nanny to take to work to sell; I need to get some red beads to make pieces in the WestSide School colors because they will sell like crazy. Mama is also into this whole make extra money thing and is selling Avon, which is cool; she promises to take some of my pieces to work with her as well and is even offering to buy me more beads.

Last post I talked about making progress, well yesterday while working out I did some thinking. I'm not sure whether that is a good or bad thing. I was thinking about how things have gone in my life, especially my size and body image. It's been a different sort of progression for me because honestly I would've thought that by now I would be more comfortable in my own skin.

When I was in the middle school years, though I went to a K-8 school, I was fairly comfortable. I was a tall girl, which isn't a great thing, but I was also sort of slim, but not skinny. My main issues were that I had scars, wore glasses, didn't have the coolest clothes, and that my parents wouldn't allow me to wear make up or shave my legs. I was not concerned with my weight, nor was anyone else considering that I played sports and was an active kid. I managed to get through those years without much concern really, even though I had friends who were on diets their doctors had put them on and who had eating issues in a way that I did not. I mentioned once or twice wanting to lose weight, simply because I had friends who were trying to do it, but in reality, as long as I kept playing sports, I could eat what I wanted and not get much bigger. And this continued for me up into my freshman year of high school. By the end of my freshman year I was still not concerned about my body image, other than my hair and skin really, and I had shot up nearly 6 inches and gained 15 pounds or so. Everything sort of evened out on my body because I was so tall. But that year was the last time I was required to take gym and life got too busy for me to keep up with sports and things.

My sophomore year I joined the theater kids, and the phrase "I can't I have rehearsal" became a huge part of my vocabulary. Slowly but surely I started to gain weight, and being so busy I just sort of ignored the fact. But then junior year rolled around and I was a "Drama II" which meant I was part of the primary acting company, so to speak. It meant that I did a lot more and had a lot more rehearsal because the Drama IIs were more than just extras in the shows. It also meant that I had to change in the dressing rooms on a regular basis, and it was becoming fairly obvious to me that I was not small at all. I began to dread changing costumes among my fellow women. I felt like a huge blimp around them, and that continued into my senior year of high school, when I dreaded prom dress shopping to some extent because I knew how hard it would be. Eventually though I did accept that I was not going be small ever again because I was built wide and tall, and that it was in my genes; I would only ever be able to be fit and curvy.

College hit, and I did in fact gain the horrifying freshman 15. It sort of happened when I wasn't looking. But in the process, I joined mock trial and was once again faced with the knowledge that I was surrounded by these sort of small girls. I found myself feeling awkward around them because they were all cute and little and I was big and gawky and gross. There came a time when I had a coach pull me aside and took me into his office and implied that next to my small, slender female co-counsel I was huge; I have never forgotten that, though I'm sure that he has, and it changed the way I saw myself in the court room. I felt like a massive vulture in my black suit and heels looming in the court room. I was always bigger than my fellow female attorneys, and while it shouldn't have mattered, it did. I kept it to myself, but it bothered me to know that I was the huge one. I felt like I would always be the fat and ugly attorney at the table, and it was crazy. I was definitely not the good looking attorney.

That brings me to where I am now. I am a 22 year old law student who is 5 foot 6 inches tall and way heavier than she would like to be. I am still not quite comfortable in my own skin; I get sort of unsettled when I notice people looking at me while I'm working out. But I'm getting a bit better. I have days when I feel great, especially after a really good work out. I may never be a size 2, but I will never be that 19 year old girl in her coach's office being told that she looks huge next to her co-counsel again.

I've made progress dear readers. Last week I walked to and from class every day, including the day of my exam, and it is a half mile walk one way. I am proud to say that it did not leave me as winded and tired as it did the first time I did it, several weeks ago. I've found that I actually want to go work out, which may seem strange, but its the truth. I look forward to whatever the workout of the day is, no matter if it's going to be a long one or a short one. I've noticed that I can see a difference in the definition of my calf muscles, which is something I could never do before, not even when I was in high school. I've also discovered my favorite, run around the apartment shorts, which are a pair of gym shorts like I used to wear in high school, fit looser around my thighs than they used to. I also can only wear some of my older pants if they have been drastically shrunk in the dryer on hot three or four times. If I can keep this up I will meet my goal for November, and then be able to meet my overall goal by this summer. I know that it will not be easy to be all trim and stuff by this summer, but if I can keep going to the gym and eating fairly decently I will be able to do it. I do know that I will never be the kind of woman who can stop exercising and eating right and not gain back the weight she's lost, but once I've lost it I will feel better about keeping my routine because I will know that it works. Currently I'm still struggling with my stomach, but I think my face has thinned some and I'm pretty sure my body is finally getting the message that it isn't supposed to be as fat as it is.

Last Monday I turned in the Closed Memo, which offered me some relief. But then we were assigned the Open Memo, which is longer and involves doing our own research; I'm going to be starting my research for it tomorrow at lunch. Let the fun begin. Last Friday was my first ever law school exam; I sat for my Legal Research final exam. It went well, and that's about all I will say about it. The first rule of law school is that we don't talk about exams or grades. The plan is to be all caught up with my outlines and notes by the end of the week. I fell a little behind trying to work on the memo and study for the exam, so I'm going to finish up my practice problems for Property and then do outlines tonight. I want to be all caught up by the weekend since Jacob and I plan to go out.

October has come at last and with it fall weather. I love this season because the air is crisp, the weather is clear, and in general it is just beautiful. I will probably break out the camera and take a thousand and one pictures of the leaves changing and things like that. At the moment I am sitting in my apartment, contemplating making some coffee, watching My Big Fat Greek Wedding, and working on my memo, which is due bright and early in the morning. The good news is that the memo is in the final editing stages, and mostly the work is just checking and rechecking the grammar and spelling and citations. The bad news is that every time I think I'm done with it I find something else I feel needs to be changed or added to the thing. I think I may give it one maybe two more reviews and then I will just save it and close it. There is only so much that I can do to make it perfect. My eyes are tired, and my head is killing me. Now none of this has to do with fall, but I felt like saying it anyway. Back to the subject of the blog.

Like I said earlier, I love this season. I love fall clothes. I love light jackets and boots with light weight sweaters. I love being able to dress warm without having to bundle up in fifteen jackets and thick sweaters. Small problem here is that I seem to have worn out my fall wardrobe over the last year or two and need a new one. Too bad I don't like to buy clothes when I'm trying to lose weight. I love the crunch of leaves under my feet. I may be a little weird, but the fact that fall brings football is not one of the reasons that I adore this season. I've never been a football fan; I just have nIever been able to get into it, no matter how hard Jacob tries to get me to watch.  I do however love Halloween and bonfires and all the beauty that the season has to offer. Fall is the best time for bonfires and gatherings like that because it's not so hot and miserable sticky that you don't want to be outside, and it's not so teeth chattering cold that you can't stay out without freezing to death. It's also some of the best weather to be curled up with someone special, which is why being in law school by myself in fall can be a drag. There are nights and weekends when I am sitting alone in my apartment typing away at a brief or highlighting cases in my books when I would really like to be snuggling up with Jacob instead.

This season does present a small problem for me. Fall and winter are the two seasons when I always gain weight; I guess it's because I eat too much and get sort of lethargic and dormant. I find myself more tired and just moving much slower. They are the seasons of treats, pies, candies, and big family meals, and my family eats a lot. I am actually making 7 pounds of fudge to be wrapped in pretty tins to take to various Christmas gatherings. I was proud of myself because I have manage to avoid the Halloween candy two or three times now while shopping, which is pretty awesome; usually I buy a bag or two to hide for later. But during fall and winter holidays I tend to nibble a lot without paying much attention to what I am doing. I begin to get busy with work in the fall, especially with exams, and when Christmas vacation rolls around I am just so very very tired that I don't want to exercise or anything. That however has to change this year. I am working way too hard to gain all the poundage back. I am slowly shrinking in the proper places already, and I am not about get fatter.

In light of my upcoming appearance at the Mid-South Invitational at MTSU, I've decided to set myself a goal. I figure at least for the first round I judge I will wear a suit, and my old one looks pretty shabby. So I've decided that, since I will need one for interviews soon, I'm going to put back some money to buy a new one. But I don't want to buy a new one while I'm still sort of big, only to have to have it tailored or buy a new one because I've dropped a few sizes. That would be impractical. So I'm going to wait and get one in November, before the tournament.

New Goal: Drop 2 sizes by November 13th
New Plan: No more skipping workouts just cause I don't feel like hitting the gym; No more skipping Friday work outs unless I go home and no more skipping weekends (even if it means hitting the treadmill at the 'rents house); no more crappy eating habits due to classes and work

So like the title says I've set myself back, and that means that I am major disappointed in myself. I usual routine is to work out 3 or 4 times a week, depending on how busy I am; I've been working out Monday through Thursday, and I was making progress. Well, I didn't work out last weekend, and then yesterday I didn't feel good and was just not feeling into the idea of hitting the exercise bike. I've got to do something different, but my only other choice is the elliptical and at the moment that hurts my knees way too much. Well today I got on the bike and barely made my old time, much less my current time. I was hurting so bad that I had to quit. I was so frustrated that I was nearly in tears because I feel like I sabotaged myself and set myself back. It's hard enough for me to lose weight as it is; I don't need to make it any more difficult for myself. I'm kind of pissed at myself because today I treated myself to a Frosty at lunch, and I've been sort of crappy with my dieting, so I just made things worse. Also, Nic needs a good ab workout, other than just crunches because they don't seem to work very well. I'm trying a new idea from Jacob, but I'd like some others.

It has been a long week. I arrived earlier in the week to find in raining in L-ville, and it has been raining almost nonstop since I got here. That means that I have been walking to and from the parking lots in the rain with no umbrella because I discovered that my MTSU umbrella, which I had been carrying since my sophomore year in undergrad, was bent beyond repair. I refuse to pay $10-$20 on campus for an umbrella or to drive all over town looking for a cheap place to buy one. Today when I go to Wal*Mart after the structured study group I fully intend to buy an inexpensive one because there has been no word on when it is supposed to stop raining. In fact it is still pouring outside as I type this entry. As though my current location needed to be in danger of even more flooding issues. Also, it is not fun to have to wiggle your way into your car with your books and laptop bag while it is raining because the people parked around you don't seem to understand that you put your car between the lines on the pavement that mark your parking space. I try to be nice and not scratch their pretty little plastic car with the door of my big metal tank, so it takes twice as long to get in that it should. I'm not a small woman, and so I have to wiggle my hips and do a strange combination of dance and contortion in order to squirm my way into my blazer.

I usually don't complain about my hair or anything, but seriously this wet weather has turned me into a gigantic fuzzball. Also, it makes it take twenty or thirty minutes longer to get ready, and all that time is wasted when I step outside the apartment. My hair is all frizzy, wavy, and out of control, and it gets in my way. I've got the layers in this mess, and they are really a pain lately because I can't just pull it all back and leave just my bangs. Instead it all falls out and the ponytail just looks like I've never brushed my hair. And it's difficult to get anything done when I keep having to push my hair out of my face. I guess I will have to invest in some headbands or bandanas, which is a bit ridiculous because I have sort of short hair. Also, I am definitely having Mindy, the brilliant woman who cuts my hair, fix it so that I don't the extra layer on top; hopefully that will fix this mess. Low maintenance, but still attractive, hair is a must for Nic while she is in law school.

I've discovered that I live among some ridiculously ill-mannered reavers undergrads who run down the halls of the apartment building screaming at each other and play whatever they pretend is music extremely loud. I honestly thought there was a fight right outside my door the other night because there was a group of boys outside yelling obcenities at each other, but it turned out that they were apparently just joking around. Nic was not amused. Also, as it turns out, my bedroom window is right next to the balcony, and one night at around midnight when I was so drained I couldn't think and the last of my caffiene had finally worn off I wound up listening to some guy talking for thirty minutes about how he thought he loved some girl. Last night I retreated to my bedroom in attempt to avoid the pounding music from my neighbors. I arrived home Tuesday afternoon to the sounds of some strange hip hop music that was so loud that I could hear it all the way in the laundry room with three dryers and two washers going. I swear it's ridiculous. Why does the entire apartment have to hear what you are listening to?

Yesterday I checked my rent situation, which has been out of whack since I got to KY six weeks ago, to discover that it is huge mess and has gotten worse. So now when I get back from my shopping I have to call them and jump through all their hoops so that I can get that taken care of because I can't leave it unsettled. As though I had time to deal with that stupidity, which I will not get into other than to say that they are charging me rent for two apartments and I only live in one. On top of that I have got to get my rough draft done this weekend, and so I will be spending almost all my time hiding in the apartment writing.  My current goal for the weekend, besides making sure my class stuff is done, is to have a complete draft of the memo done and have my outlines all caught up. This should be enough to keep me completely busy.

So I thought that I would treat my readers to a bit of poetry. I guess the movie Saturday night inspired me a bit, and I finally got around to refining a piece I'd written few months ago. I'm pretty sure it is not my best work, but here it is.

Woke up this morning to find that Jacob had emailed me a recording of him singing happy birthday; his voice tends to make me melt, and it was something special. Nice to hear the voice of someone you love when you live far from home.

Well I'm all moved into my new Bettie Johnson apartment, which is really nice even if its a little small. I unpacked as much as possible last night and did the last of my property for the week as well as my contracts, which will allow me to work on typing up my briefs and fleshing out my notes in those classes. There is going to be a workshop on outlining Thursday, and I've already planned ahead so that I could attend because I have no idea where to begin with that yet. I also wanted to get unpacked and caught up so that I could hit the gym in the new building when I got back from class today. Maybe I'm a freak, but I'm actually really excited about hitting the gym on a regular basis. Working out and getting healthy is part of my birthday present to myself. I bought work out clothes because I know I will feel better if I look better. It was an amazing work out, even if it was a short one. I did 30 minutes on an exercise cycle before my knee started to feel like someone stabbed it with a hot knife. Tomorrow I will definitely be shooting for longer and doing a little more stretching.

I feel pretty good actually, a touch sore in places but that is to be expected. Starting my workout today was an amazing and excellent birthday present. I turned 22 today, and I am taking control of my life in ways that I can. That means I am learning to manage my stress levels, eat healthy, and treat my body better. I'm setting goals that are reasonable instead stupid and dangerous. I am teaching myself to take the time to relax when I need to relax, and I'm working on managing my time better. If I can learn take control of the things I can control and let go of the things that are out of my hands, I can learn to live a healthier and happier life. And that's the plan.

Happy Birthday to Nic!

It's been three weeks, pretty much, and I am finally getting into a rhythm. I have figured out how to manage all my work and my books are filled with brightly colored highlighter. I've got a study schedule that I try to stick to as best as I can. I've ordered a new laptop because there is something wrong with the screen of my current one. It's been a good one and has worked very well until now. I've got two blue/purple lines running down the screen, and shipping and repair will cost me more than its worth. Plus I can't be without my laptop for the week to two weeks for them to look at it and possibly determine that it can't be fixed. But the new one is completely customized with my free upgrades, and its super cute. I won't get it for a week or so, but my current lap top should last me until then. The hard part will transfering my notebook to the new one. Its a serious pain.

I am moving into my new apartment tommorrow afternoon, which is also a hassle. I finally got the apartment closer to campus, so I'm packing everything up, cleaning up the old apartment for inspection and moving fifteen minutes or so down the road. The new apartment is much nicer, even if its a bit smaller. I'm sort of excited about it, though the swapping the rent payments and making sure everything is straight money-wise is a royal pain.

I have tried to get ahead of the game with all my reading and briefing because it is a long weekend up ahead, and I would like some time to relax. It seems that I have just a little work this weekend because I don't have Legal Research for the next two weeks due to Lexis and West Law training, I've got almost all my Torts done for next week, BLS takes no time at all, and half my Property work is done. Contracts is the only class that I don't have my assignment for yet. That means that I can have Sunday off and part of Saturday as long as I work Friday night when I get back to TN and Monday night when I get back to my apartment, which I plan to do. Since Tuesday the 8th is my birthday, and I will be away from everyone, Jake and I are hopefully doing something Sunday. The family and I are doing things Saturday, or at least thats the current plan.

Other than some things I don't think I will talk about here, things have been going well for the last three weeks. I'm not behind in anything, though I do need to type some things up and fill in my notes. Those things won't take long really so I'm alright.

Week one of law school is over, officially. I have had at two classes of each of my courses, except for Legal Research, which had three, and I just finished my first piece of legal analysis, though I'm not quite sure that I did it right. Either way, I actually tried, and that is what matters since my professor is not grading these. I'm actually just proud that I got it done before tomorrow night since it's due Monday. That means I can print it off here instead on in the library. The week has gone pretty well, except that it's been super busy. That coupled with the fact that I'm pretty sure I was developing a sinus infection, which I pretty much killed with some over the counter medicine, it's been an adventure.

I tried to get my TV and DVD player hooked up, but it failed. Right now, when I am not swamped with briefs to write, I watch TV on Hulu, which I'm pretty sure is a gift from heaven. I managed to unpack everything and get it all put away. I kept the apartment rather clean with the exception of my bedroom, but even it isn't as bad as it could be. I cooked real meals for the most part, which is something I am very proud of to be honest. Other than my diet cokes and cookies, which I eat sparingly, I've managed to eat rather healthy. I can't really cook with much oil, so I bought light popcorn for the microwave, and I bought apples to snack on for the week. I also have apple juice and orange juice in my fridge, and I'm practically chugging water. While I haven't worked out my exercise issue yet (ha ha unintended pun), I am managing that whole eat healthier bit. There is a gym on campus, but I would have to carry gym stuff to work out there. Either way, I'm going to have to get some exercise and figure out how to get some sleep, otherwise I will just remain fat and tired.

I've been able to keep up with the reading and cases pretty well, and I am understanding almost everything very quickly. I'm not a fan of BLS, Legal Research, or Civ Pro, which are all pretty boring classes. BLS and Legal Research are important, or so they tell us, but they are mostly lecture and research/writing practice so it's pretty dull. Civ Pro is just boring and mostly a review of things I learned in undergrad. I really like torts, which has been straight forward and easy, and I'm pretty sure it is the most interesting class I will have all semester. Starting next Friday I will have to attend structured study groups almost every week, which I'm not sure will help me, so even after I don't have Legal Research I will be stuck at the law school.

Well having completed one assignment and only having maybe 7 or so cases to brief for Monday, I think I will call it a night.

I am sitting here in my little apartment, next to a huge stack of very expensive textbooks, officially a law student. Thursday was the last day of orientation for the 1L students, and I went to pick up my massive stack of books. My books were contained in two boxes, and they are huge. My four main texts are the size of dictionaries; I also have a pocket version of Black's Law Dictionary and various smaller books. My first day of actual classes is tomorrow, and already I am covered in work to do. There are lots of cases to brief and pages to read, but I have divided everything up so that it will be manageable. I've bought all my supplies for class as well, like my pens, highlighters, and notebooks. Everything is set now, and as soon as I finish this entry I will be finishing up my work for tomorrow. I already started on it earlier.

I moved into the apartment, completely, as of today. I finally unpacked all my stuff and put it away, and I even made a pitcher of sweet tea; I believe that a place isn't home until there is a pitcher of sweet tea in your fridge. My apartment is a one bedroom place on the top floor of a building right in the middle of the hospital district in downtown. While living by myself is an adjustment, to be honest perhaps the biggest one is the fact that I live where there is a truck load of traffic, pun not intended. I'm not used to the noise outside really; every night is a struggle to get to sleep, but I'm slowly but surely getting better. Life up here is an adventure. I say up here, even though I'm not extremely far north because for the most part Southern accents are few and far between, and I've yet to get a decent glass of sweet tea except for the stuff I made tonight, which is really good. My own accent has been progressively stronger, and I think it is because I seem to be compensating for the lack of accent everywhere.

As for the plan I mentioned, I'm working on getting with it. I haven't bought a lot of junk food for the apartment, but one of my new problems is that I haven't found the gym close to here yet. There's a gym in the student activity center, but it would require me to stay on campus to use it. Since I live downtown there is really no place for me to safely go on a walk. When I finally get my TV and DVD player hooked up I can go back to my cardio work outs on DVD, which were working when I could do them. The Barrister Ball is in the spring, and I am determined to make myself less fat and jiggly by then. It's actually a good thing because it gives me even more motivation to keep up with my plan to get healthy.

Well readers, I better get to work. I have several more cases to brief and about 50 pages more to read.

So tomorrow morning I head to Louisville to move into my new apartment, and I am both nervous and excited. It has all become real, the move, the new place, the fact that I am in law school.. Almost everything is packed up, with the exception of things that I needed for the last couple of days like pillows and a few clothes; there are boxes sitting around waiting to be loaded into my blazer. My father is finishing up the work on my blazer, and I will put in my locks this afternoon. Yes readers, there is no denying that Nic is moving tomorrow. I packed up my books, which was difficult because I am an admitted bibliophile with too many books to take, and I got all my clothes washed to take with me. I'm coming back next weekend to run the blazer through emissions for my tags, have lunch with my Grandpa Eddie, and a few other things; hopefully Jacob will have time off so that I can see him next weekend before I leave sometime Sunday. I will have some reading to do that weekend so I can't do much.

I registered my classes wednesday night, so all that's left there is to order my books. I'm not a fan of my schedule, but I didn't get to pick it because I am just a 1L; I only have one class on Fridays, which is nice, and a huge break on everyday, which I'm not sure I like very much. I'm not looking forward to the price of my books; they are super expensive. Here's what my schedule looks like for the semester:

Monday/Wednesday/Friday

• Legal Research 9:00AM - 9:50AM

• Basic Legal Skills 10:25AM - 11:40AM
• Civil Procedure I 1:00PM - 2:15PM
• Torts I 2:25PM - 3:40PM

• Propert I 9:00AM - 10:15AM
• Contracts I 2:25PM - 3:40PM

I'm sitting here, and it's raining again, which means that I can't go put the locks and window motor in my blazer. That sort of thing can't get wet. I hate this weather because it can't decide whether its going to rain or not, and every five minutes or so the rain either starts or stops. Maybe this afternoon when my dad gets home I will be able to work on my ride; I hate trying to work on it without him anyway because while I can do a lot of things to it, I just feel more comfortable when he's around. So since I can't work on the blazer, I figured I would write a little bit about my latest plan. I know, not exactly the most exciting thing to blog about, but hey, I don't think many people are reading this thing anyway. What is this plan? Well I'm hoping that if I get started on my fitness quest before I start law school in the next two weeks, I will be less likely to give up as time goes on and things get more difficult. Starting Saturday I will be working very hard to achieve my goal.

So the goal is to become a thinner lighter Nic, one who is much healthier and happier with who she is and what she looks like. Now, don't get me wrong, I am happy with my appearance, but I know that I could do with some weight loss and some toning up. My face is round and slightly pudgy, which is something I've always hated about my appearance; my hips, thighs, butt, and tummy need some serious work, and I'm willing to admit that. I'm also willing to admit that it's going to be a long road because I'm in serious need of work in order to get fit and I have some seriously bad eating and exercising and health habits that will be hard to break. But my friend Meg has inspired me, though I don't have the courage to make an entire blog about it. However, you can expect updates on my progress. I'm actually fairly excited about this little plan.

Obstacles I will face

1. I'm addicted to caffeine and chocolate, two things that aren't exactly healthy. Along those same lines, I have a serious sweet tooth, and one of my favorite things is to bake and create sweet treats because it allows me to be creative.
2. I have a bad snacking habit; I snack while I work on papers and stuff and while I read, and I'm really bad about getting the munchies, especially during a certain week. I'm working to improve this by drinking more water and eating healthier snacks like apples, raw almonds, and popcorn that I pop myself with no butter and just a very little salt.
3. I don't sleep as well as I should; I'm really bad about not sleeping when I should or getting enough sleep. I know that sleep is important because it helps your body recharge and repair. I'm not sure what to do about the sleep issue because it's a matter of not being able to convince myself to shut down.
4. I tend to get stressed and irritated, and when I do I get distracted. This is a problem because I let my stress and frustration distract me from my work out, for example I get too mad to run or lift weights or whatever. So to combat this little hitch, I'm going to turn my frustration and irritation into work out fuel.
5. I tend to get too busy and too tired to work out. I will become so mired down in work and other life stresses, and it flat wears me out. I lack the energy to do the work out I know I should be doing. I'm not sure how I will combat this problem cause, to be honest, I've never been able to do it in the past.
6. I'm not patient, and so when I don't start seeing results soon enough, I find it hard to keep it up. I know that it takes time to start seeing weight loss and a change in the way my clothes fit, but I've never been a very patient person. I think this problem that arises from growing up in a family of drag racers.

So right now I'm guaranteed a seat at Brandeis, and I will have a home, though it may not be the apartment I thought I was going to get. Calling the apartment complex office is on my list of things to do because apparently if I call and ask politely about my lease I might be able to bump my way up the waiting list, which I've been told is really short. I'm definitely not wanting to live in traditional housing, with a roommate and no kitchen, because I don't play nice with others. OK, so maybe that's taking it a bit too far, but I'm not really good with living with strangers, partially because I am strange myself. I keep weird hours and have strange mannerisms, plus I don't want to be living with a person I don't know who might have stranger habits than mine, plus my luck I would have a roommate with a boyfriend who lives in state and would over a lot, which is not cool. Single apartment is a much better environment for the Nic.

Things I need to do before the move:

1. Check up on the apartment and lease, hopefully get myself bumped up to the top of the list and get it.
2. Finish handling all the student loan paperwork and make sure all the money gets where it belongs.
3. Find out what the contracts assignment is going to be for orientation.
4. Arrange for a hotel room for the week of orientation since unless I've get into traditional housing, which I do not want, I can't move in until the 15th.
5. Decide what goes to KY with me and what stays behind, since even if I get the apartment it will be small.
6. Finish up all the shopping for the necessities; I still need stuff for the apartment, even though Nanny bought me pots, utensils, and a few other things.
7. Drive up to the campus to make sure that I know where places are.

Happy 4th of July American readers; it's a rainy one here in the mid-state. Yesterday, I got my lease agreement from the apartment complex on campus in the mail, which means that provided I get my stuff back in time, including my deposit, I will have a place to live come August when I move to law school. They are super nice apartments, and I have a one bedroom, one bathroom, single apartment that comes furnished with utilities included in my rent. It's got phone with caller id, cable, and Internet, so I don't have to be worried about those things. The complex has a pool, stand up tanning bed, lounge, volleyball court, fitness center, and a cornhole (whatever that is); so I suppose it's worth my rent, which is not, I repeat, not, cheap. I'm looking forward to move in day, except for that whole not being in the same state as Jake and the mockers and all. But first there will be shopping because I'm going to need a lot of stuff. Mama and Nanny are really getting into this whole supply Nic with the necessities like plates, bowls, glasses, and the like thing. I'm not looking forward to the shopping.

I'm going to need sheets for the bed, which is really too small but that's life, towels, a small bookcase, the cooking stuff, and some things for storage and what not. So many things to get, and there is the moving in to be done. I will pack up the blazer, and maybe someone else's car, though mostly the blazer, and head to KY, where once unpacked and stuff I will stay, except on some weekends, like in November when MTSU has the invitational and I come judge, and when I feel like visiting my family and Jake, and of course holidays. I'm not going to lie; I will probably miss home a lot. I'm taking Belle and Athena and Nike, the frogs, several of my books, my satin pillow, my mushroom chair, and my pictures, which will help it seem more like home, but last time I was in Louisville the waiter at the restaurant where I was having dinner couldn't bring me sweet tea, which means I will be a little far from home. Yes, I belong in a place where the tea is sweet, the barbecue is pulled from the grill and falls off the bone, and when the sun sets the only lights you see come from the fireflies and the porch lights. I'm that Southern, with a capital S thank you very much.

I am making a list and deciding what moves to Louisville and what stays in TN, and it is not an easy list to make. Things I would like to take with me but can't include: my bookshelf that Granddaddy made for me when I was a little girl, Little Bit the rottie who has adopted me, my big bed, and Jake who must remain in TN to finish college. I'm taking my jewelry, most of my shoes, a lot of my clothes (the apartment has on site laundry facilities), my laptop of course, my Tokyo sign for the M*A*S*H show, and various things to make the place home. I'm going to miss my family, my mockers, a few non-mockers, Jake, and Little Bit, but I will be taking things that remind me of most of them, and besides I'm always accessible via email and Facebook. Moving in is a little over a month away, and I'm trying hard to be ready.