Chipped Polish & Wornout Jeans

I am sitting here looking around at the boxes that hold my life. That's sounds funny, but its true. Exams are over, and I am packing up the apartment to move back to the Boro for the summer. My lease is up on the eighth, and I'm moving out either Wednesday or Thursday. Mama is drivin' up to help, which is awesome, especially since there is no way that all my junk is going to fit into one Blazer. I was going to move this afternoon, but the flooding happening everywhere makes that impossible. I'm not going to write about packing though. Instead I'm just going to do a stream of thought entry about all the things that have been on my mind, and maybe I'll throw in a brief note on my plans for the summer.

I am not the woman I was several months ago when I came to Louisville, and that is both a good and bad thing. Back in August when I arrived in L-ville I was wide-eyed, ambitious, and excited. Law school was an adventure I'd been looking forward to for a very long time. It became complicated the second day of orientation when I soon discovered that my accent was a great deal stonger than most of the people there, and I was definitely a little fish in a great big pond. I got the feeling I was out of place. And it was a brand new experience. I was two hundred miles away from everything thing I loved and everyone. It was frightening and exhilerating all at once. As an undergraduate I could handle most of my classes in my sleep, and I balanced everything relatively easily. I was a mock trial captain and a college senior facing three years of more work than I could imagine, but I could handle it. Law school isn't easy, not at all; I have to work three times as hard as I used to, and I was on my own. Living on my own is not the difficult part; its the being absolutely alone, isolated from everyone and everything I am close to, that made life unpleasant. Even Jake and I felt the strain, and at that point, our relationship was still going strong. In December, my grades were not great, and, I knew I was here for the next two years. Things weren't weren't smooth anymore. And then I thought they were getting better, and I was wrong. I don't have Jake anymore, and that breaks my heart; I threw myself into working, outlines, case briefs, and learning the law, anything to keep my mind off what I'd lost. It hasn't really worked, and now the semester is over. I am leaving my first year of law school, and I am not really going back to the Boro the same woman. I feel like I've lost some of my strength, some of my spark. I'm all jaded and even more cynical than I was when I came here. I've lost some of my confidence, some of what made me, Nic. This summer I hope I can get some of that back.

This summer I am also going to lose this weight. I looked in the mirror after my shower the other day, and my reflection made me want to cry. I'm fat, and its disgusting. This is not a "I hate the way I look cause I can't wear skinny jeans"; this is a "I've gotten so big that it's unhealthy and disgusting, and I have to do something about it" thing. I'm not saying that the break up caused the weight gain, but I really started to gain all this weight after it happened. I guess its because I had nothing to do but work; its not an excuse at all though. I shouldn't have let this happen to me. I should've kept in shape; I should've taken better care of myself. I was pretty much wallowing, and it does not suit me well. I'm angry at myself, and I'm disappointed in what I have done to myself. I have to fix this; I look terrible and feel just as bad. I can't stand it any more.

The idea for this summer is to catch up on my reading, do some writing, get a job for the summer in the Boro, work on jewelry, and practice with my camera. It's not exactly the summer I was so looking forward to when the semester started, but I will make the best of it.

So tomorrow morning I head to Louisville to move into my new apartment, and I am both nervous and excited. It has all become real, the move, the new place, the fact that I am in law school.. Almost everything is packed up, with the exception of things that I needed for the last couple of days like pillows and a few clothes; there are boxes sitting around waiting to be loaded into my blazer. My father is finishing up the work on my blazer, and I will put in my locks this afternoon. Yes readers, there is no denying that Nic is moving tomorrow. I packed up my books, which was difficult because I am an admitted bibliophile with too many books to take, and I got all my clothes washed to take with me. I'm coming back next weekend to run the blazer through emissions for my tags, have lunch with my Grandpa Eddie, and a few other things; hopefully Jacob will have time off so that I can see him next weekend before I leave sometime Sunday. I will have some reading to do that weekend so I can't do much.

I registered my classes wednesday night, so all that's left there is to order my books. I'm not a fan of my schedule, but I didn't get to pick it because I am just a 1L; I only have one class on Fridays, which is nice, and a huge break on everyday, which I'm not sure I like very much. I'm not looking forward to the price of my books; they are super expensive. Here's what my schedule looks like for the semester:

Monday/Wednesday/Friday

• Legal Research 9:00AM - 9:50AM

Monday/Wednesday

• Basic Legal Skills 10:25AM - 11:40AM
• Civil Procedure I 1:00PM - 2:15PM
• Torts I 2:25PM - 3:40PM

Tuesday/Thursday

• Propert I 9:00AM - 10:15AM
• Contracts I 2:25PM - 3:40PM

I've got a to do list that keeps growing: everything from picking up the last things for the apartment to getting my laptop connected to their system and doing my first assignment in contracts, which I have just now gotten to open up for me. I think I will probably get started on my contracts assignment tonight, that way maybe I will have it printed off as soon as I possibly can. It's just a case brief, which I've done before, so it shouldn't be too difficult. Well I better get back to work. The next entry will be from my new apartment.

Happy 4th of July American readers; it's a rainy one here in the mid-state. Yesterday, I got my lease agreement from the apartment complex on campus in the mail, which means that provided I get my stuff back in time, including my deposit, I will have a place to live come August when I move to law school. They are super nice apartments, and I have a one bedroom, one bathroom, single apartment that comes furnished with utilities included in my rent. It's got phone with caller id, cable, and Internet, so I don't have to be worried about those things. The complex has a pool, stand up tanning bed, lounge, volleyball court, fitness center, and a cornhole (whatever that is); so I suppose it's worth my rent, which is not, I repeat, not, cheap. I'm looking forward to move in day, except for that whole not being in the same state as Jake and the mockers and all. But first there will be shopping because I'm going to need a lot of stuff. Mama and Nanny are really getting into this whole supply Nic with the necessities like plates, bowls, glasses, and the like thing. I'm not looking forward to the shopping.

I'm going to need sheets for the bed, which is really too small but that's life, towels, a small bookcase, the cooking stuff, and some things for storage and what not. So many things to get, and there is the moving in to be done. I will pack up the blazer, and maybe someone else's car, though mostly the blazer, and head to KY, where once unpacked and stuff I will stay, except on some weekends, like in November when MTSU has the invitational and I come judge, and when I feel like visiting my family and Jake, and of course holidays. I'm not going to lie; I will probably miss home a lot. I'm taking Belle and Athena and Nike, the frogs, several of my books, my satin pillow, my mushroom chair, and my pictures, which will help it seem more like home, but last time I was in Louisville the waiter at the restaurant where I was having dinner couldn't bring me sweet tea, which means I will be a little far from home. Yes, I belong in a place where the tea is sweet, the barbecue is pulled from the grill and falls off the bone, and when the sun sets the only lights you see come from the fireflies and the porch lights. I'm that Southern, with a capital S thank you very much.

I am making a list and deciding what moves to Louisville and what stays in TN, and it is not an easy list to make. Things I would like to take with me but can't include: my bookshelf that Granddaddy made for me when I was a little girl, Little Bit the rottie who has adopted me, my big bed, and Jake who must remain in TN to finish college. I'm taking my jewelry, most of my shoes, a lot of my clothes (the apartment has on site laundry facilities), my laptop of course, my Tokyo sign for the M*A*S*H show, and various things to make the place home. I'm going to miss my family, my mockers, a few non-mockers, Jake, and Little Bit, but I will be taking things that remind me of most of them, and besides I'm always accessible via email and Facebook. Moving in is a little over a month away, and I'm trying hard to be ready.