Chipped Polish & Wornout Jeans

Don’t you just hate it when you find a brand of clothing that just fits perfectly, only to have it discontinued? I have been wearing Arizona jeans for years, mostly because they are inexpensive while still looking nice. Well it appears that will no longer be the case. If they stop making shirts, shorts, and skirts, I’ll really be in trouble. Most of my wardrobe is Arizona, which is probably not a good thing, and I only own a few nice long sleeves shirts and sweaters. I have no clothes for warmer weather. I have two nice tank tops and three nice short sleeve t-shirt type shirts; I have no shorts, and no nice tops. Meanwhile I think I own one skirt, a short white eyelet number I bought while dating Jake because I wanted to be a girl for a change. I’m not even sure that the skirt will still fit me, and in any case, my thighs are so fat and my legs so pale that I highly doubt that I will be able to wear it ever again. Besides, I have no reason to dress all girl again at the moment.

I mentioned the fact that Arizona may be discontinued. Well, this leads to any number of problems, one of which is the fact that I have had to seek other brands for jeans. I went two Saturdays ago on a hunt for jeans, and I wound up with Levis. That is not the point of this entry. The point is that I had a minor breakdown over my body in the middle of Dillards because I felt fat and ugly. Let’s put it this way; I hate having to hear the words ‘we don’t have that in your size’ or any variation of that sentence. It never means that everything is too big. All my life I’ve dealt with it. I’ve put on a brave face and pretended it didn’t bother me for a long time. But lately my body image issues have been so terrible that putting on a brave face doesn’t exactly work for me. Sometimes I just can’t. Two sales girls asked us if we found everything alright, and I lied and said yes, even though I wasn’t having an easy time finding pants in my size at all. My grandmother was with us, and of course she tells the girls no that I’m having trouble ‘finding jeans to fit me’. From there it was go go gadget emotional breakdown, and I exited the store through the nearest door to avoid sobbing in the middle of the juniors department.

Here’s the deal, clothes for women my age, early to mid twenties, are generally one of two things: expensive or cut too small for me. I’m a curvy woman with wide hips, a big butt, and a decent bust line. I’m also built tall and long, meaning that everything is too short. I have to buy jeans labeled ‘long’ and unless I flatten my stomach shirts are impossible because my torso is long too. I have broad big shoulders and a wide rib cage, which makes me feel like I’m built like a man most of the time. I don’t feel pretty, and I’ve never felt pretty. It isn’t fair, but it’s what I deal with daily. I want to dress in something other than t-shirts and jeans, but it’s very difficult when clothes are cut narrow and short. My wardrobe staples are jeans, t-shirts with either sponsors for the race cars or my nerdy vintage green lantern t-shirts, and tennis shoes. None of that is remotely feminine or sexy at all.

I started to want to look more feminine when I was maybe a junior in high school, but I’d always been a tomboy. I love clothes and I love doing my nails now, but when I was thirteen and fourteen, all I cared about was four wheelers, horses, and the great outdoors. I didn’t know how to balance it, and I still really don’t. Suddenly I wanted to feel pretty. I wanted boys to like me and think I was pretty. But most of all, I wanted to feel like I belonged. By the time I was in college I was completely on my own again. My boyfriend lived in another state, and I was scrambling to make friends. I had no reason to dress up other than for mock trial, and that only required a black suit and heels.  When my boyfriend returned I wanted to be pretty again, remind him of why he started dating me, but I wasn’t very good at it. I’m still not good at it.

I’ve improved some I suppose. I know how to put on eyeliner and make up, and I know what does and does not flatter me. I like to paint my nails, and I don’t mess them up as much. But I still feel unattractive most days, and I feel like my clothes make me look even worse.

Vain and Gratuitous Picture to update you on my appearance (edited in photoshop out of boredom)

But the problem with a blog when you have no life is that you have nothing to write about. Most of the time my life consists of playing in Photoshop, occasionally writing on novels that may never be finished, tons of reading, and cooking (lots and lots of cooking). Just a reminder, I talk about my culinary adventures at A Taste of Joy, and I promise to update that blog more often. In fact, my goal is to blog more from now on, and hopefully I can manage that.

Before I start with the updates on what little has transpired in the life of Nic, let me begin by saying that this blog will hopefully become a lot more interesting. I’m not going to be blogging about major political issues or anything like that, though I may talk about important issues that have been on my mind a lot, but I am going to hopefully talk more about life as I experience it. This includes blogging about the books I read, the movies I see, things I see, and things that happen in my life. Whether or not that will be interesting or worth reading is yet to be determined, but writing used to be a great outlet for me; I intend to let it be that again. So on with the blogging.

As I mentioned earlier, I have been doing a lot of reading, and you can find my Goodreads updates both on my sidebar and by visiting my account. I’m open to book recommendations and friends there. I plan to blog more about my literary adventures, including reviews of sorts of the books I’m reading.

Currently I am halfway through a re-read of George R.R. Martin’s A Game of Thrones so that I can move on to reading A Clash of Kings, and it’s one of those books that is so dense and rich that reading it a second time gives you more to love. Let me take a moment to talk about this book in general, without giving away too much, and then when I’ve finished I will write an actual review.

Martin’s writing style is very heavy, and he tends to be very wordy; however, for me that is not a deterrent so long as the story continues to move forward at a decent pace, which for the most part he does. He has a sort of Joss Whedon wickedness about him, in that you will fall in love with characters only to have them viciously taken from you via death. But his characters are deliciously human, and even the villains are realistic. I absolutely love that there are characters to love, characters you’ll love to hate, and characters you find yourself cheering for despite misgiving. The story rotates through their various points of view, which can be very daunting, and some of his chosen narrators leave a lot to be desired (I’m looking at you Sansa Stark, you little simpering whiner); however, each narrator weaves a brilliant portion of the overall tapestry, bringing their subplots and motivations.

The world is richly developed, and while there are underlying elements of high fantasy (dragons, direwolves, magic, and the mysterious Others), the fantasy aspect is cleverly worked into the overall story without bombarding the reader. It is not a book for the squeamish or those uncomfortable with sex, violence, and death, but I highly recommend it for fantasy lovers who want something thick and detailed to feed a need for heroes and villains.
Other books I’m reading:

• Eona by Allison Goodman
• Brisingr by Christopher Paolini
• Kushiel’s Dart by Jacqueline Carey

The only update I have for now is that I have two mapped out but unfinished barely started novels. One is a futuristic dystopian work called NeverWonder and the other is a historical fantasy work that has yet to be named.

I apologize for my lack of frequent updates and interesting things to read here at Chipped and Wornout; although  it feels odd to apologize for my lack of updates to just three followers. Maybe there are lurkers, I don't know. If you lurk and don't comment, how do I know that you are there? And if you lurk and don't follow me, how do I know you exist? Anyway, apologies for the lack of content.

When I was a teenager (oh man, how old did that phrase just make me feel) I had this pair of worn out jeans that I loved more than any article of clothing in my entire wardrobe. That demonstrates just how much of a tomboy I really was back then because while all the other teen girls around me were obsessed with wearing the cutest clothes, I was in love with a pair of jeans that had somehow managed to last three years and hundreds of washes, had particularly wide flared bottoms, were faded in all the right places, and had holes in a couple of places. These jeans were so shaped to my body that they fit perfectly and were extremely comfortable; it killed me with they finally became too short for my suddenly long legs and too tight for my hips. I immediately began searching for a pair of jeans that were like those that I loved so much, and I finally settled on a pair of light wash Arizona flares, snug at the hip, flared widely at the bottom. I bought two pairs of the style, and I wore them as often as possibe. They fit perfectly, and they were the essence of my personality in denim form, which may sound silly to most people. I always felt my best when I could strut (yes, I did strut in those jeans, with that lovely Southern belle swing in my hips) around wearing that perfect pair of jeans. I was even wearing them well worn as they were, the day I agreed to be Jake's girlfriend in October of 2008. Actually that day was one of the last days I got to wear those jeans because they developed a hole in a place that rendered them unwearable, and I could never find another pair in that style. I was terribly saddened by the loss of my favorite jeans. Well last Friday while shopping with Mama (Spring Break found me at the 'rent's house in the Boro) I found a substitute, that, while not equal to my glorious jeans, is adequate for my needs. I've never liked the idea of buying jeans that are pre-distressed, but I really liked the way the fabric felt and they were the only decent flares in the whole section. (What happened to jeans that flatter women with wider hips? Seriously, skinny jeans make your hips look bigger, while flares balance you out.)

I know, I know, you're thinking, what the heck Nic, why obsess over pants? Also you are probably wondering how a pair of jeans can be the essence of a person. Just like me, those jeans are worn and faded, but still strong enough to handle just about anything. They are full of spunk and fire. They aren't plain, average, or ordinary. They are different, and they make a statement. Well lets put it this way, it was very appropriate that I was wearing those jeans the day I agreed to be Jake's girlfriend. I was coming off a bad relationship and in my typical way I was on fighting back. I was scared to death, but hell bent on recovering, and I really liked him. In fact, as we stood by my blazer in the parking lot, I was thinking "Hell, boy, asking me out already. I know you like me, and I've been flirting shamelessly as obviously as possible so you should know I like you too. If you don't I'm going to have to do it." (Please hear this statement with a Southern drawl) That is typical Nic behavior, and there were a couple of moments that afternoon when I almost grabbed him and kissed him since it seemed that he wasn't getting the idea; that would surely have gotten the point across. I couldn't just stand there and let this not happen. So I sort of drew on their power.

Yes dear readers, behold the power of wornout jeans. I'm sorry this entry is so dull and pointless. Maybe next time I will come up with something interesting.