Chipped Polish & Wornout Jeans

Guess who’s size thirteen jeans are getting to big? Ok, so I guess that sounds like a ridiculous thing to brag about, but for me the fact that my jeans are too big and that I needed to get a tighter belt is a huge victory. I hadn’t been paying much attention to my progress, mainly because I haven’t had time or really been out in public worried about my appearance. Too busy with the remodel and website to care. However, I’m pleased to report that I am approximately one third of the way to my weight loss goal. I’ve lost thirty to thirty-five pounds, which only leaves me with about fifty to lose! I know that sounds like a tiny amount to brag about considering how much I need to lose, but I’m so excited by the fact that I’m making any progress at all.

I’ve taught myself to eat healthier and pay more attention to portion control; this means that I can eat less and still be full! To be honest, my dietary habits were pretty atrocious before, and a great deal of that has to do with the fact that as little kid my family sort of let me eat whatever I wanted. Part of being Southern is the idea that we bond over food; I tend to blame it on the scarcity that came from the War Between the States (That’s Rebel for Civil War). This leads to the fact that people expect me to eat a great deal more than I do now; I used to eat piles of food, and I’m pretty sure only my metabolism and active childhood kept me from becoming dangerously overweight. This fact brings me to my point.

It’s difficult for me to maintain my healthy diet and eating habits when I have my family breathing down my neck about me not eating enough. On more than one occasion it has been insinuated that I am starving myself to lose weight because I ate small portions, and suddenly people seem to notice when I refuse to eat things I don’t like because it makes my already small meals look smaller. Being constantly told that you don’t eat enough can be just as bad as being told that you eat too much. 

Fall has arrived, with weird hot and cold weather habits, and I am sitting here in my hoodie and jeans, sipping water, nibbling a nutrigrain bar, and listening to music. I realize that it has been well over two months since I last sat down at the laptop to write something for a post in this blog. I am ashamed. But I just haven't had much to write about really. Life has been boring and uneventful; all I've really done is some cleaning and work on applications for law school again. So here's watch you missed for the last two months:

The job market for law clerks and legal secretaries, which is pretty much the only reasonable paying job that a woman with a political science degree focused on pre-law and a year of law school under her belt is qualified for, is for crap. I know that is not an eloquent way to put it, but its the truth. I've called friends, family members, my doctor who has a whole family of lawyers, friends of my parents, and no one can afford to hire me. I've got a great resume (minus the lack of work experience), but I keep hearing the same thing over and over. My academics (minus last year) and extracurricular activities and skills make me marketable, but the economy makes me expensive apparently. Stupid economy, stupid job market, stupid times, my friends. So I am still jobless, despite all my attempts.

I am learning to code, and it's not as hard as I thought it would be. A lot of it is memorizing tags and where they belong, then common sense and trial and error to move and place things. Why am I doing this? Well, I got volunteered to build a website for my uncle's business, and, because it's family and there was a promise of a little fundage, I spent some of my amazon gift card money on two books on html and css. Becoming a code monkey, that's what I'm doing. I also got photoshop and illustrator, and I am attempting to learn to use them to make graphics. If anything I have managed to make something useful out of my free time.

I do believe that I have lost an inch or two in my hips because my size 13 jeans are just a bit droopy folks. My calves, oh my calves are a beautiful thing. They are tight and tones and strong. However, my midsection is still stubbornly refusing to shrink. (Well maybe it is and I just don't notice because I am angry with it for being so ridiculously chubby and slow to shape up) But I'm trying to be patient. As you know, patience in not and has never been one of my strong points. I am practicing portion control, and that's not easy. It is getting better because when I don't over eat I feel better and I'm getting to the point where I don't have to eat as much to be full. I am walking as often as possible, and jogging when I can. Lately the weather has been uncooperative and I've been kind of sick (weather change + Nic's allergies= no fun) But I am trying to get back on track.

After discovering the ridiculous amount of clutter stifling me in my little bedroom at Casa de 'Rents, I went on a cleaning spree. You see, we are finally going to begin the much anticipated remodel of the house, and its going to dominate my time. Walls are being repaired and painted, new wood flooring (no more carpet), new flooring in the bathrooms, new appliances and cabinets in the kitchen, and we are finally going to get the washer and dryer out of the kitchen area. That is all going to begin very soon, in fact, it will begin as soon as the small loan is processed, and that knowledge got me to thinking about my room, which was still full of boxes from my move back from L-Ville. I cleaned the room and started putting books away again, which is when I discovered that it was clear that my granddaddy had not anticipated the fact that I would be such a massive bibliophile when he built my bookshelf once upon a time. I had to actually redo the entire thing and store some books I never read, just to make room.

The only problem is that I will have to pack it all up again once I move out next year (Good Lord willing, I get into law school again). Which brings me to my final point. I am applying to only schools in TN, and hopefully I will get into the one in Nash-vegas so that I can either get into an apartment in the Boro or Nash-vegas instead of moving to Knox-vegas or Memphis; if this happens where ever I move will more than likely become a permanent residence for awhile, allowing me to stop being a nomad and settle into my own place. When this happens, I will get awesome cooking supplies, and I plan to start a cooking blog. I will still keep this one for personal blogging, but I will also run a blog devoted to my cooking adventures. Speaking of cooking, I think I am going to go have some fabulous tomato soup, now, out of a can of course.

Note from Nic: This blog is getting a fresh new look ASAP. It may stay black and white, but a new background and banner should be coming soon.

Well ladies and gentlemen of my readership, what few you are, today is the day I stop procrastinating and start getting healthy. I know I've said it a thousand times, but this time I mean it. This time it's become a neccessity, and it's going to be a priority. I know that this seems melodramatic, but my dear readers, I have had it with hating my reflection. Once upon a time I was merely out of shape, now I am down right fat. I am angry and disappointed in myself for ever letting it get this far. The time had come to stop letting my hips, waist, butt, and thighs expand. I am 22 almost 23 years old for heaven’s sake. There is no excuse for me looking like this. None at all. So I'm going to set some rules, just some basic things for me to remember.

Rule One: No more excuses for not working out or doing some sort of exercise. No more of this it's too hot outside to go for a run or a walk. Even if I'm cramping so badly that I want to cry, I will do some sort of exercise.

Rule Two: No more of this nuerotic obsession with certain parts of my body. I'm going to think of this not as "Holy mother, I need to shrink my huge thighs and chubby stomach", but instead I will think of this as I need to trim down all over and get healthy. I know that I need to lose wait, but instead of focusing on OMG FATNESS, I'm going to focus on getting into shape.

Rule Three: No more being a snack/treat nazi to myself. Instead of swearing off all sweets and all snacks (which only makes me run out and binge when I get the chance), I'm going to think of it as a reward. I worked out and got something done today, so I can have a piece of cake or a cookie or a candy. As for snacks, I will have a snack between dinner and supper, but only then, instead of saying no snacks ever.

Rule Four: I will only measure my waist, hips, and chest once every two weeks. I will not focus simply pounds lost, but rather on inches lost. This is not just about losing fat; it's about rebuilding muscle. I will measure success by dropping pants, dress, and shirt sizes, and not just on dropping 30 plus pounds.

I've made progress dear readers. Last week I walked to and from class every day, including the day of my exam, and it is a half mile walk one way. I am proud to say that it did not leave me as winded and tired as it did the first time I did it, several weeks ago. I've found that I actually want to go work out, which may seem strange, but its the truth. I look forward to whatever the workout of the day is, no matter if it's going to be a long one or a short one. I've noticed that I can see a difference in the definition of my calf muscles, which is something I could never do before, not even when I was in high school. I've also discovered my favorite, run around the apartment shorts, which are a pair of gym shorts like I used to wear in high school, fit looser around my thighs than they used to. I also can only wear some of my older pants if they have been drastically shrunk in the dryer on hot three or four times. If I can keep this up I will meet my goal for November, and then be able to meet my overall goal by this summer. I know that it will not be easy to be all trim and stuff by this summer, but if I can keep going to the gym and eating fairly decently I will be able to do it. I do know that I will never be the kind of woman who can stop exercising and eating right and not gain back the weight she's lost, but once I've lost it I will feel better about keeping my routine because I will know that it works. Currently I'm still struggling with my stomach, but I think my face has thinned some and I'm pretty sure my body is finally getting the message that it isn't supposed to be as fat as it is.

Last Monday I turned in the Closed Memo, which offered me some relief. But then we were assigned the Open Memo, which is longer and involves doing our own research; I'm going to be starting my research for it tomorrow at lunch. Let the fun begin. Last Friday was my first ever law school exam; I sat for my Legal Research final exam. It went well, and that's about all I will say about it. The first rule of law school is that we don't talk about exams or grades. The plan is to be all caught up with my outlines and notes by the end of the week. I fell a little behind trying to work on the memo and study for the exam, so I'm going to finish up my practice problems for Property and then do outlines tonight. I want to be all caught up by the weekend since Jacob and I plan to go out.

In light of my upcoming appearance at the Mid-South Invitational at MTSU, I've decided to set myself a goal. I figure at least for the first round I judge I will wear a suit, and my old one looks pretty shabby. So I've decided that, since I will need one for interviews soon, I'm going to put back some money to buy a new one. But I don't want to buy a new one while I'm still sort of big, only to have to have it tailored or buy a new one because I've dropped a few sizes. That would be impractical. So I'm going to wait and get one in November, before the tournament.

New Goal: Drop 2 sizes by November 13th
New Plan: No more skipping workouts just cause I don't feel like hitting the gym; No more skipping Friday work outs unless I go home and no more skipping weekends (even if it means hitting the treadmill at the 'rents house); no more crappy eating habits due to classes and work

So like the title says I've set myself back, and that means that I am major disappointed in myself. I usual routine is to work out 3 or 4 times a week, depending on how busy I am; I've been working out Monday through Thursday, and I was making progress. Well, I didn't work out last weekend, and then yesterday I didn't feel good and was just not feeling into the idea of hitting the exercise bike. I've got to do something different, but my only other choice is the elliptical and at the moment that hurts my knees way too much. Well today I got on the bike and barely made my old time, much less my current time. I was hurting so bad that I had to quit. I was so frustrated that I was nearly in tears because I feel like I sabotaged myself and set myself back. It's hard enough for me to lose weight as it is; I don't need to make it any more difficult for myself. I'm kind of pissed at myself because today I treated myself to a Frosty at lunch, and I've been sort of crappy with my dieting, so I just made things worse. Also, Nic needs a good ab workout, other than just crunches because they don't seem to work very well. I'm trying a new idea from Jacob, but I'd like some others.

Woke up this morning to find that Jacob had emailed me a recording of him singing happy birthday; his voice tends to make me melt, and it was something special. Nice to hear the voice of someone you love when you live far from home.

Well I'm all moved into my new Bettie Johnson apartment, which is really nice even if its a little small. I unpacked as much as possible last night and did the last of my property for the week as well as my contracts, which will allow me to work on typing up my briefs and fleshing out my notes in those classes. There is going to be a workshop on outlining Thursday, and I've already planned ahead so that I could attend because I have no idea where to begin with that yet. I also wanted to get unpacked and caught up so that I could hit the gym in the new building when I got back from class today. Maybe I'm a freak, but I'm actually really excited about hitting the gym on a regular basis. Working out and getting healthy is part of my birthday present to myself. I bought work out clothes because I know I will feel better if I look better. It was an amazing work out, even if it was a short one. I did 30 minutes on an exercise cycle before my knee started to feel like someone stabbed it with a hot knife. Tomorrow I will definitely be shooting for longer and doing a little more stretching.

I feel pretty good actually, a touch sore in places but that is to be expected. Starting my workout today was an amazing and excellent birthday present. I turned 22 today, and I am taking control of my life in ways that I can. That means I am learning to manage my stress levels, eat healthy, and treat my body better. I'm setting goals that are reasonable instead stupid and dangerous. I am teaching myself to take the time to relax when I need to relax, and I'm working on managing my time better. If I can learn take control of the things I can control and let go of the things that are out of my hands, I can learn to live a healthier and happier life. And that's the plan.

Happy Birthday to Nic!

Week one of law school is over, officially. I have had at two classes of each of my courses, except for Legal Research, which had three, and I just finished my first piece of legal analysis, though I'm not quite sure that I did it right. Either way, I actually tried, and that is what matters since my professor is not grading these. I'm actually just proud that I got it done before tomorrow night since it's due Monday. That means I can print it off here instead on in the library. The week has gone pretty well, except that it's been super busy. That coupled with the fact that I'm pretty sure I was developing a sinus infection, which I pretty much killed with some over the counter medicine, it's been an adventure.

I tried to get my TV and DVD player hooked up, but it failed. Right now, when I am not swamped with briefs to write, I watch TV on Hulu, which I'm pretty sure is a gift from heaven. I managed to unpack everything and get it all put away. I kept the apartment rather clean with the exception of my bedroom, but even it isn't as bad as it could be. I cooked real meals for the most part, which is something I am very proud of to be honest. Other than my diet cokes and cookies, which I eat sparingly, I've managed to eat rather healthy. I can't really cook with much oil, so I bought light popcorn for the microwave, and I bought apples to snack on for the week. I also have apple juice and orange juice in my fridge, and I'm practically chugging water. While I haven't worked out my exercise issue yet (ha ha unintended pun), I am managing that whole eat healthier bit. There is a gym on campus, but I would have to carry gym stuff to work out there. Either way, I'm going to have to get some exercise and figure out how to get some sleep, otherwise I will just remain fat and tired.

I've been able to keep up with the reading and cases pretty well, and I am understanding almost everything very quickly. I'm not a fan of BLS, Legal Research, or Civ Pro, which are all pretty boring classes. BLS and Legal Research are important, or so they tell us, but they are mostly lecture and research/writing practice so it's pretty dull. Civ Pro is just boring and mostly a review of things I learned in undergrad. I really like torts, which has been straight forward and easy, and I'm pretty sure it is the most interesting class I will have all semester. Starting next Friday I will have to attend structured study groups almost every week, which I'm not sure will help me, so even after I don't have Legal Research I will be stuck at the law school.

Well having completed one assignment and only having maybe 7 or so cases to brief for Monday, I think I will call it a night.

I am sitting here in my little apartment, next to a huge stack of very expensive textbooks, officially a law student. Thursday was the last day of orientation for the 1L students, and I went to pick up my massive stack of books. My books were contained in two boxes, and they are huge. My four main texts are the size of dictionaries; I also have a pocket version of Black's Law Dictionary and various smaller books. My first day of actual classes is tomorrow, and already I am covered in work to do. There are lots of cases to brief and pages to read, but I have divided everything up so that it will be manageable. I've bought all my supplies for class as well, like my pens, highlighters, and notebooks. Everything is set now, and as soon as I finish this entry I will be finishing up my work for tomorrow. I already started on it earlier.

I moved into the apartment, completely, as of today. I finally unpacked all my stuff and put it away, and I even made a pitcher of sweet tea; I believe that a place isn't home until there is a pitcher of sweet tea in your fridge. My apartment is a one bedroom place on the top floor of a building right in the middle of the hospital district in downtown. While living by myself is an adjustment, to be honest perhaps the biggest one is the fact that I live where there is a truck load of traffic, pun not intended. I'm not used to the noise outside really; every night is a struggle to get to sleep, but I'm slowly but surely getting better. Life up here is an adventure. I say up here, even though I'm not extremely far north because for the most part Southern accents are few and far between, and I've yet to get a decent glass of sweet tea except for the stuff I made tonight, which is really good. My own accent has been progressively stronger, and I think it is because I seem to be compensating for the lack of accent everywhere.

As for the plan I mentioned, I'm working on getting with it. I haven't bought a lot of junk food for the apartment, but one of my new problems is that I haven't found the gym close to here yet. There's a gym in the student activity center, but it would require me to stay on campus to use it. Since I live downtown there is really no place for me to safely go on a walk. When I finally get my TV and DVD player hooked up I can go back to my cardio work outs on DVD, which were working when I could do them. The Barrister Ball is in the spring, and I am determined to make myself less fat and jiggly by then. It's actually a good thing because it gives me even more motivation to keep up with my plan to get healthy.

Well readers, I better get to work. I have several more cases to brief and about 50 pages more to read.

I'm sitting here, and it's raining again, which means that I can't go put the locks and window motor in my blazer. That sort of thing can't get wet. I hate this weather because it can't decide whether its going to rain or not, and every five minutes or so the rain either starts or stops. Maybe this afternoon when my dad gets home I will be able to work on my ride; I hate trying to work on it without him anyway because while I can do a lot of things to it, I just feel more comfortable when he's around. So since I can't work on the blazer, I figured I would write a little bit about my latest plan. I know, not exactly the most exciting thing to blog about, but hey, I don't think many people are reading this thing anyway. What is this plan? Well I'm hoping that if I get started on my fitness quest before I start law school in the next two weeks, I will be less likely to give up as time goes on and things get more difficult. Starting Saturday I will be working very hard to achieve my goal.

So the goal is to become a thinner lighter Nic, one who is much healthier and happier with who she is and what she looks like. Now, don't get me wrong, I am happy with my appearance, but I know that I could do with some weight loss and some toning up. My face is round and slightly pudgy, which is something I've always hated about my appearance; my hips, thighs, butt, and tummy need some serious work, and I'm willing to admit that. I'm also willing to admit that it's going to be a long road because I'm in serious need of work in order to get fit and I have some seriously bad eating and exercising and health habits that will be hard to break. But my friend Meg has inspired me, though I don't have the courage to make an entire blog about it. However, you can expect updates on my progress. I'm actually fairly excited about this little plan.

Obstacles I will face

1. I'm addicted to caffeine and chocolate, two things that aren't exactly healthy. Along those same lines, I have a serious sweet tooth, and one of my favorite things is to bake and create sweet treats because it allows me to be creative.
2. I have a bad snacking habit; I snack while I work on papers and stuff and while I read, and I'm really bad about getting the munchies, especially during a certain week. I'm working to improve this by drinking more water and eating healthier snacks like apples, raw almonds, and popcorn that I pop myself with no butter and just a very little salt.
3. I don't sleep as well as I should; I'm really bad about not sleeping when I should or getting enough sleep. I know that sleep is important because it helps your body recharge and repair. I'm not sure what to do about the sleep issue because it's a matter of not being able to convince myself to shut down.
4. I tend to get stressed and irritated, and when I do I get distracted. This is a problem because I let my stress and frustration distract me from my work out, for example I get too mad to run or lift weights or whatever. So to combat this little hitch, I'm going to turn my frustration and irritation into work out fuel.
5. I tend to get too busy and too tired to work out. I will become so mired down in work and other life stresses, and it flat wears me out. I lack the energy to do the work out I know I should be doing. I'm not sure how I will combat this problem cause, to be honest, I've never been able to do it in the past.
6. I'm not patient, and so when I don't start seeing results soon enough, I find it hard to keep it up. I know that it takes time to start seeing weight loss and a change in the way my clothes fit, but I've never been a very patient person. I think this problem that arises from growing up in a family of drag racers.

I'm determined to make this work, and I will succeed this time, even though I have not before now. Now is the time for me; if not now then when? I keep putting it off and waiting, but I can't do that any more. If I keep doing that I will never do it; I know that. I have never been super thin or really fit, but once upon a time I was not as fat as I am now. My hope is that by next summer, when I go to PCB with Jacob because I promised him I would go, that I will be fit and pretty and swimsuit ready. I want to be all toned and gorgeous and everything, and I will be. I know that underneath my chunk is pretty, and I am determined to find it.

There are a lot of challenges I will be facing over the next few years; everything from time management to meeting new people and from maintaining a healthy relationship with Jacob to maintaining a healthy body. I know that law school will be a high stress environment, and I know that it will not be easy for me to maintain a healthy lifestyle. Today I'm going to blog about the potential difficulty of maintaining a healthy lifestyle. If I am incredibly lucky when I apply for housing tonight I will be able to cook my own food, which is healthier than eating out every day, which is my other option. Even if I only eat at the healthiest places, it will still be difficult. I have enough trouble staying healthy and fit as it is, which is a failing I am working on, though its not easy. Let's just say I have let stress and a busy life be a reason for me to let myself go. I've been abusing me body with high stress, low sleep, poor eating habits, and no time for exercise, and it has taken its toll. Well I'm beginning to see things differently, especially with my five year reunion in May of next year and being tired of every single summer having difficulty with that evil that is swimsuit season and realizing that if I don't change something now I may never change.

I will not tell you what size pants I wear, though Jacob knows, and I will not say what dress size and shirt size. Instead I will give you the wonderfully vague: I'm too fat. I am without a doubt bigger than I would like to be. Since the summer is waning I will have to work extra hard to trim down. I'm tired of being chubby, and I am chubby around the middle and thighs, and I've got a huge butt. Don't get me wrong, I love my curves like you wouldn't believe, but I do have too much curve in a couple of places. I do not want to be skinny at all because that would just look really disgusting on me; I'm fairly tall, and so I would look like a toothpick if I were too tiny. I just want to be trim and fit, healthy you know; if I get healthy then I will probably have a pretty awesome hourglass figure since I'm so naturally curvy.

So I'm going to start eating better, looking at food as fuel for my body, and working out more. The problem is making the time to do what needs to be done; it's really rather frustrating to be quite honest. I'm going to have to work a lot harder because my metabolism has slowed down, and I suppose because I am getting older it is harder for me to lose weight and tone up. Heavy sigh, wish me luck.