Chipped Polish & Wornout Jeans

Well readers, I am back in my L-ville Shoebox (also known as my little apartment). I've hung up most of my clothes, opened a reed diffuser to make the Shoebox smell nice, attempted to order pizza and failed, and now I am relaxing on my couch watching the newer version of Pride & Prejudice (despite the fact that it is a really obvious chick flick). I won't lie, Pride & Prejudice is an excellent diversion with classes looming over my head, even if Mr. Collin's is a creeper. I will confess that I am amused by this movie. I need to make my grocery list and begin scheduling how I will manage my workload.

I haven't had much time to blog or even think until now, due to all the running about and travelling and general insanity that is the holidays. So I suppose I should throw out some of the general happenings, revalations, observations, and discoveries that I have had while I haven't been blogging.

Here's the deal, grades have come out and let's just say that I am not happy. My grades are not as high as I believed they should've been and because of that I will be unable to transfer to a school in TN. It simply will not be possible, and I am quite disappointed. But I will power through because if the good Lord means for me to be a lawyer then I will have to get through this. I suppose that I will just make the best of my time here. I can handle it; I will probably complain about it here, but I can handle it.

This was a given. Those things come regardless. Jake and I did holidays, which is to say that we spent a great deal of time on the road; we started in the Boro with my Aunt Bonnie's Christmas Eve, followed by the Strait family Christmas gathering that night, then both of us did Christmas morning with our parentals, followed by Christmas breakfast with Nanny, Christmas Lunch with the Halls, and ended with Christmas Supper at my Grandmother's. We barely had time to breathe, but there is something special about doing holidays. It gives a sort of permanence to our relationship, and its just sort of nice to have something we do together. There was a moment Christmas night that was really awesome. (Beware, Nic is gonna be a sap). Jake was watching the Titans game, which is not something that ever interests me, and I was sort of half laying on him and using him as a pillow. It was quiet and comfortable and perfect; I would give anything to do that more often, not going to lie. We also did a sort of New Years outing, which was nice. We went to see It's Complicated, which was an OK movie but not one I really want to see again. (Just say no to Alec Baldwin undressed). Then we did dinner at Chilis, always a treat, and then we went to his church to hang out for a while. It was an absolute blast. Also, while on the subject of Christmas, I got some pretty great stuff, books I wanted, clothes, and a really cool digital picture frame (a gift from Jake because he is thoughtful and awesome). I am, however, mildly jealous of the new toy he got; I used to say I had no use for a touch screen iPod, but now, after getting to mess with his for a bit, and looking it up, I think I may want one. They seem really nice.

With Jake's graduation rapidly approaching and the fact that he will soon be in law school somewhere, the future is beginning to loom slightly. We had this idea, and it was awesome. "Let's get into the same law school; we can be together and support each other and work together and it will be great." I was going to transfer to a TN school, and we were goimng to give it a go. Then my grades came in, and that idea flew out the window. There are two distinct possibilities for what our relationship will be like. One is that he will go to either his first or second choice for law school, meaning our relationship will enter a land I will name "The Long Distance Desert" which is to say that we will have minimal contact due to the serious distance between us and the conflicting schedules that will surely arise. The second possibilty is that he comes here, his third choice, and we go from there. This is the part where the selfish part of me, the part that wishes simply for us to be together and doesn't care about much of anything else, and the mature part of me that loves Jake very much and only wants what would be best for him, the part that knows that he needs to be where he is happy and where he feels he should be, duke it out in a battle royale.
(SPOILER ALERT)
The mature part of me wins, of course, because I only want Jake to be happy, whatever that means, and I know that what I want shouldn't matter when it comes to his choice in law schools. The mature part of me puts that selfish part of me in a headlock and then body slams it with the reminded that part of what being a decent partner is all about is being supportive. You see, I love him with all my heart, and I want him to go to the law school where he feels he should be and to do what he needs to do in order to be happy and sucessful. If that means that we enter the "Long Distance Desert" for a while, so be it. I will pout and whimper, but I will live through it and support him; after all if our relationship can't handle the distance then it wasn't meant to be. To answer the questions: Will it hurt to do the distance thing, yes it will. Will I probably cry like a girl and have to grit my teeth and remind myself constantly that the distance is temporary, yes, constantly. Will it suck to be so far apart all the time, more than you can imagine. But I'd rather Jake be happy and comfortable and where he should be than be all wrapped up in my own world. He means that much to me. Call me a sap, but that's how I feel.

I feel like resolutions sort of fall apart every time I try to make them. I always forget or lose track or something else silly. So instead I will make a list of goals for the year. That way I know that I can achievement. So here are my four main goals:

1. Be swimsuit ready by this summer; it's going to take a lot, I mean a lot, of will power, stamina, and determination, but I think that I can manage it. In general I want to get into better shape because I am a mess.
2. Learn to be more patient; this is an in general issue having to do with lots of things. I'm bad about getting impatient, giving up, getting frustrated, and in general being a bit of a beast when things don't move at the pace I'd like them to move.
3. Pick something I've always wanted to do, like learn a foreign language, learn to dance, learn to draw, or something of that nature, and actually do it. Along the same lines, I will finish my novel, or at least get a huge chunk of it written
4. Be a better girlfriend, partner, and friend; to tell the truth at times I can be a selfish pain, and I'm not good at dealing with myself. I'm a mess and a handful and more often than not I'm not the kind of girlfriend you'd want. I'm going to try to be more patient and supportive and less of a mess.

I am considering starting an "Ask Nic" type blog to go along with this one; something where people email in questions and I answer them. I know that I wouldn't get many emails, but it might be a fun thing to try out at least. I don't know.