Chipped Polish & Wornout Jeans

I always think of the Yes, Virginia Editorial when people make a huge deal about how Santa isn't real. While you may not believe that he is a real person, the idea of Santa Claus is something that should be cherished, especially for kids. I mean Santa Claus is not about the gifts and cookies and milk and fat men in red suits. It's about love and faith and hope and generosity. I think that if you obsess over whether there really is a fat man in a red suit who comes down chimneys and eats milk and cookies and has flying reindeer, you are sort of missing the point. It is Christmas Eve I would like to share something with my readers that chokes me up every year. So here is the Yes, Virginia Editorial:

"DEAR EDITOR: I am 8 years old.
"Some of my little friends say there is no Santa Claus.
"Papa says, 'If you see it in THE SUN it's so.'
"Please tell me the truth; is there a Santa Claus?

"VIRGINIA O'HANLON.
"115 WEST NINETY-FIFTH STREET."

VIRGINIA, your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. They do not believe except [what] they see. They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by their little minds. All minds, Virginia, whether they be men's or children's, are little. In this great universe of ours man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect, as compared with the boundless world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge.

Yes, VIRGINIA, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Santa Claus. It would be as dreary as if there were no VIRGINIAS. There would be no childlike faith then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The eternal light with which childhood fills the world would be extinguished.

Not believe in Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in fairies! You might get your papa to hire men to watch in all the chimneys on Christmas Eve to catch Santa Claus, but even if they did not see Santa Claus coming down, what would that prove? Nobody sees Santa Claus, but that is no sign that there is no Santa Claus. The most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can see. Did you ever see fairies dancing on the lawn? Of course not, but that's no proof that they are not there. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world.

You may tear apart the baby's rattle and see what makes the noise inside, but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest man, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever lived, could tear apart. Only faith, fancy, poetry, love, romance, can push aside that curtain and view and picture the supernal beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah, VIRGINIA, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding.

No Santa Claus! Thank God! he lives, and he lives forever. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay, ten times ten thousand years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood.

So today the Jake and Nic Show went sort of dramatic today, and it was not fun. It's a funny thing, distance, sometimes it makes things easier and sometimes it makes things harder. Sometimes it makes you reluctant to talk about things because you don't want to spend what little time you have to talk or be together discussing unpleasant truths. Well, when that happens it all spills over into one big pile of "things we should've talked about ages ago but now we really have to talk about them". Then conversation is a long and unpleasant one that may or may not involve tears. I do not enjoy those kinds of things, but I'm sure no one does. It has been a rough day because of this. It's all fun and games until something goes awry.

Misunderstandings are the bane of my existence. Well, probably most people's existence, but at the moment I am talking about my own. Jacob somehow got the wrong impression about a lot of things, probably because Yours Truly is a mess and has difficulties. For one, he thought I wanted nothing to do with his family, but really I just haven't had much of a chance to be around them. Living in L-ville and having such a hectic and busy life, there have been very few opportunities for me to do things like that. I've promised to try to make things better because I love him and want to be a part of his life and his family is so very important to him. I curse my baggage, and I have some very unpleasant baggage for causing some of these issues to even arise. Some things stem from way back when we first started dating over a year ago, things I thought we were passed but apparently we weren't. But we are working on them now, and a lot of it is going to be me trying to shuffle and juggle to do it. I won't go into anymore detail about that part of the conversation because really, it's not something we need the world to know. I love him, and we have to get through this. I always dread moments like these, even though I know that they are normal really. No couple can be completely in-sync all the time, and every relationship will have rough moments along the way. The strength of your relationship is tested by these moments, and the real strength is being able to get through them. I guess it happened to us because we fell out of rhythm, and we didn't talk enough. I think maybe we have learned our lesson.

I think some people are meant to always fight for what they want, and I think that I'm one of those people. I foolishly thought that if we wanted it badly enough, if we fought hard enough, that we could have what we want without waiting so long. I foolishly hoped that it was our turn, that for once I wouldn't have to fight and we wouldn't have to struggle. I got my hopes up and then watched them crash; it seems to be a trend with me to be honest. The problem is that Jake and I met, and then our relationship sort of rocketed all the way to a brick wall. Neither of us expected it to happen, least of all me. I really just couldn't see that far forward. And part of it was that I like where we were going. We've been together a little over a year, and we are completely head over heels, and we've sort of reached this point where the next logical step, the one we really want to take, is to get hitched. But that can't happen right away or even in the next year by his calculations because things are just not in place yet. I had hoped that with a little planning, a lot of prayer, and some serious forethought and work we could manage to do what we want without having to wait the five years it will take to finish law school and pass the Bar. It sounds crazy that just because we are, or will be, both in law school, which only takes three years, that we will have to wait so long, but thats the logistics of it. I've done the math, looked at the options, and figure it out. Maybe its the crazy female in me, but I just hate the idea of a wait so long for something we want so much.

Maybe I'm not being entirely rational, even if I thought I was, but I've learned the hard way the over-thinking things just leads to more trouble. I guess that I was slightly blinded by the fact that I have finally found "the one" and I really love him. While I can barely think about such a long wait, I'm not giving up on us. In fact if anything I am more determined than ever to marry this man. I love him with all my heart, you see. I found something I thought I would never find again and I'm not about to let that go. Life rarely gives you second chances, and I'm not going to lose out this time. I love this man, despite all the problems we face. I'm determined.

It is cold, wet, and in general unpleasant outside. I had to make a run to the store earlier and then take out the trash, but I am not going back out in that mess again unless I absolutely have to do it. Instead I will spend the day relaxing on the couch, studying for Contracts, and marking my statutory supplement for the exam. The weather is supposed to be the same tomorrow, so I will definitely be spending it indoors. I wish I had more to blog about, but as it stands there is just nothing happening other than a lot of studying, peppered with some panicking, and the occassional moment of relaxation.  Let's face it, law school has made my life dull. Mostly I'm just trying to stay motivated to finish up my studies so that I can relax for a few weeks. It's not easy to get motivated lately; I'm just tired (ok, more like exhausted). At the moment I keep staring at my copy of The Lost Symbol and supressing the urge to curl up on the couch under a blanket and read it instead of  doing what needs to be done. Right now, I guess I will just leave you with this quick update and get back to work.

So I meant to make a post on Thanskgiving about all that I am thankful for, but I had a very busy Thanksgiving weekend and couldn't find anytime. I had to use at least some of the time to study for finals, since yesterday was the first of four finals for me. I also travel, sort of, on Thanksgiving. We had dinner at Nanny's and then supper in Kentucky at my Grandmother's. At Nanny's we got on the subject of pies, no surprise, and how apparently I'm the only one who can make my Grandmama's Pecan Pie and my Nanny's No Fail Chocolate Pie. I am now on orders to learn to make my own pie crusts, and Grandmama would like me to come to her house to learn. At Grandmother's, my aunt Lynnisse and uncle Steve were doing wiring for my Grandmother, and my cousin Ben and his wife brought Kale and Bryce, their two children. It was loud and crazy, but that's pretty typical. The next day, Daddy (What, I'm Southern, I call my father Daddy) went with Grandmother to get the Christmas trees; it's sort of tradition. Well they took forever, and Mama, J.C., and I waited at the house. Some four almost five hours later Daddy calls and says that we need to come outside. Turns out that they had gone to the shelter where he'd been looking at a rescue rottie online, and he surprised me by bringing us Bear. He is a 14 month old rottie with papers and everything. I will snag pictures when he has put some weight on because he is seriously underfed. His former owner could no longer feed him and had to given him up, and at the shelter Bear let his kennel mate eat most of the food. He's a big baby, but he's sweet.

So what am I thankful for? I'll make it short because it's so late. I'm thankful for a lot of things. I'm thankful for the fact that I am able to live in a country where I can go to law school; I'm thankful that I have the opportunity to pursue my career choice. I'm thankful for the support of all my mentors who have guided me and given me such great advice. I'm thankful for my family, who love and support me. For Mama who will listen and give me advice. For Daddy who may pick on me but always comes through when I need him. For my little brother who may get on my nerves but is also sometimes cool. I'm thankful for Jacob, who loves me and supports me and puts up with me, even though I'm a mess, I have random meltdowns, and can be a real handful a lot of the time. I'm thankful that we have each other.

I also made some new earrings for my shop. So now the plug.