Chipped Polish & Wornout Jeans

So yesterday, right as Civil Procedure (also known as the devil's playground) was about to start, I get a text from Jake; we'd been talking through lunch, but normally the texts stop for a little while after that. The timing, however, does not matter. This is how the conversation went:

J: I know you aren't crazy about memphis sweetheart but I think we need to look into it. (bolding by me)
N: Why?
J: Are you still wantin to do child advocacy?
N: It's on the list
J: They've got a big program apparently in child and family law. And they offer a joint j.d./m.a. in political science.

 ----Some time later----

N: Do you you seriously think we should consider memphis as an option.
J: I think we have to. (Bolding by me)

Why is this simple conversation so blogworthy? Well some time after my last text, Jake calls, and we continue to discuss the Memphis option. It involved various important aspects like ensuring that we both get into the school and where, if we were to go there, we would be living. There was a lot of "we" talk in that discussion, including where we would definitely not be living. Funny thing is, it's been a long time since  I could discusss any sort of future or current situation involving a "we" without crying my eyes out (due to crappy exes) or getting frustrated (due to crappy set backs). But yesterday, as I was lounging on my couch and watching Criminal Minds or maybe it was Stripes, I don't remember, it hit me: Jacob and I were discussing the "we" factor. It's no longer simply Jacob's future or Nic's future; it's our future, and I like it that way. There have been other "we" factor discussions, like "How are we doing holidays this year?" But this is a bit different. Making a decision to arrange it so that we are in the same law school in an effort to arrange it so that we can get married is another story all together. And yes, readers, we have been contemplating getting married. Actually, that's been a thing of discussion for a few months.

There is something special about the "we" factor; I'd like to think that I'm not incredibly selfish and whatnot, but I do know that for a long time my primary focus has always been where I will be in the future, what I want to do with my life, and things of that nature. I think that is normal, so don't think I am saying it's not. When you are single, or simply dating and not thinking about that couple's future, then you are primarily concerned with your own future, and not how it relates to other people. But then if you meet someone you fall in love with and decide that you want a future with them you have to consider the "we" factor. I'm not talking about a cease in your independence (the feminist side of me rages against that sort of thing) or rearranging your entire life around one person; I'm talking about taking into consideration how you want your future with someone to go. There is a difference between "Where are we going to go for dinner on date night?" and "Where are we going to law school and where will we live while we are there?" The "we" factor excites me because it's like the beginning of a new chapter in my life (and it's not a crappy rewrite of the last time I tried; I ripped those pages up and tossed them, metaphorically speaking).You'll have to forgive the crazy book type references, but hey, I warned you that I was a bibliophile.

The "we" factor doesn't mean that I will no longer be Nic and that he will no longer by Jacob; instead it means that I will be Nic with a side order of Jacob (so that may be the best way for my to describe it). Of course that would mean that he will be Jacob with a side order of Nic. Or maybe it's like when you go to a restaraunt and get two entrees instead of an entree and sides. Nic and Jake are like the main dishes at the meal. I'm rambling a bit because the crazy is taking over. My point is that I'm not giving up my identity, and he is not giving up his. We are simply being ourselves together. I'm excited about it really. (have I said that?)  I love him and the "we" factor just cements that.